Cat, Hat & All That

Today the elementary kids are "celebrating" Dr. Seuss Day at school. Actually, I think they've been talking about it all week, answering trivia questions (Who Hatched the Egg?), reading appropriate books & have culminating activities scheduled for this afternoon.

And, here I was under the impression that public schools do not celebrate
religious holidays.

Anyway, the kids were requested to wear red & white today. You know, because the Hat of the Cat is red & white striped.

MiniMe comes bouncing down the stairs this morning sporting a nice red t-shirt (totally from a thrift shop) & informs me that in addition to it being Dr. Seuss Day that today is also God Day.

OK, may religious standard are different here in Virginia. And, it is the first week of Lent. But, seriously, God Day in a public school? A very multicultural school at that.

Desperately wanting to know more, I inquired . . . .

Hey, Sweetie, what makes you think it's God Day?

Because they also told us that today was also Spirit Day.

Oh, I see.

Anyone care to guess the school colors?

Got ID?

Fourteen is the big number for today.

Nope.

That's not the final count on the ManBoxes, but I did tag at least that many boxes in the basement yesterday.

Today is Laze-E's 14th birthday. She's not really excited about 14 but by the fact that it could be legally possible for her to drive in 24 months.

I keep telling her legally doesn't mean reality.

Thankfully, she wasn't informing me she could legally drink in only seven years. So, I must be doing something right in this parenting game called motherhood.

Anyway, I was at our local Walmart picking up a few household supplies & party stuff for tomorrow night. I could go off on a tangent about how there are no SuperWalmarts around these parts, but I'll say that whine for a later date.

So, here I am at a regular Walmart at the check-out line getting all my purchases rung up by a lady who looked way older than me. Granted, she could be way younger than my assumption & I know this because I've been watching more than my fair share of 10 Years Younger on TLC daytime.

All of my items were scanning quite nicely . . . beep . . . beep . . . beep . . . beep . . .

BUZZ!

CashierLady looked at the 4-pack of individual screw top bottles of Merlot quizzically.

And, then looked at me.

Then looked at me again with squinty eyes, totally scrutinizing my every sign of aging.

I remained all smug while I stared her down. Yes ma'am, I just colored my roots, I've been staying out of the sun, I'm a sunscreen/moisturizer wearing fool, microderm abrasion is my new best friend & I do not believe you will find any mom jeans on this fine behind.

I really thought that she was going to let me off with a warning, but noooooo! She asked to see some sort of identification.

Seriously, friends, this is not flattery. If I was to split into two people, one would be old enough to drink & the other old enough to drive. This was just a cashier being a pain in the butt.

After 3 minutes of digging around in my wallet, I did manage to produce a Texas driver's license with proof of age. There! Take that! And, give me the Merlot, thankyouverymuch!

After being overly interested in my birth month (I guess anyone born in December is good to go on the vino) CashierLady hands over the Merlot & other items I have purchased.

Like whole wheat, whole grain bread.

And, heart healthy buttery flavored spread.

And, laxatives.

Yeah, I know. Even sans crows feet, age spots & gray hairs my shopping cart should have served as a big fat clue that I am not a member of the under 20 crowd.

Had I have been purchasing Cheetos, Skittles & berry flavored wine coolers CashierLady may have been on a legitimate expedition to uphold the law.

At what point does being carded cease to be charming & become a joke? Personally, I think that age is about 30.

Do you think cashiers card Oma coming through the line in her motorized scooter when she purchases Fix-a-Dent, Depends, Metamucil & a box of White Zin? Probably.

Does an AARP card serve as proper identification? Who knows?

But, I can tell you one thing. Laze-E probably could have been in & out of there in 2 minutes flat with wine coolers and without getting carded.

ManBoxes

Subject: Missing Person Notice
Date: 2/24/02009 3:11:05 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: babblingbrook@pink.com
To: missinginfo@NorthernVAPolice.gov

Hello? Helllooo?! I'm looking for my friend HausFrau.... It's been almost two weeks since her last blog and I'm afraid she may have fallen off the face of the earth (or into one of those ManBoxes she's always complaining about) ... Any assistance you can give in this matter would be greatly appreciated.

Muchas Gracias! ~Babs

********************************************************************
Oh. Uh . . . Hi. (Insert sheepish finger wave.) I'm still here.

And, I am happy to report that I haven't quite fallen off the face of this planet. As a matter of fact, the Haus is looking quite spiffy for it being only M-Day +7. I would be farther down the road to PCS Recovery, but my world didn't just stop to allow me ample time for box diving & knick-knack placing & picture hanging.

And, quite to my dismay, the floors are not sweeping themselves, the Laundry Fairy has failed to show up again this week & What Not to Wear comes on twice a day every day! Additionally, we are still roughing it with one vehicle & I'm playing chauffeur getting everyone else out into the real world to do important tasks like earn a paycheck and get an education.

I have been making steady progress & have dealt with most boxes that I give a hoot about (Polish pottery, kitchen gadgets, candles & computer cables). I know I'm still missing a few important items (like my tennis shoes so I could exercise if I really wanted to) but I just haven't consumed enough wine in one sitting had the time to venture into the basement & garage to successfully complete Operation: Sneakers & Other Semi-Important Stuff Like MiniMe's Pink Sparkly Ballet Flats That She Forgot About & Hasn't Mentioned in Two Weeks.

The sheer number of boxes in the basement & garage is scary and to make matters worse, I think the movers swiped my contraband 1/2 of a Xanax tablet that I had put back for just for this reason. I had it in a ziplock baggie in my Land's End jacket pocket & it mysteriously disappeared between Brussels & DC.

And, I didn't take it. Although, I probably should have. Especially when I was digging through boxes, stressing myself out, looking for my tennis shoes so I could exercise & reduce stress.

I could have also used it a few days ago, when I was on the phone with a friend (Hi, BBLady!) stressing about boxes & shoes. I totally complained casually mentioned that it would be necessary to maneuver 50+ ManBoxes to even begin to find boxes that may contain sparkly shoes. Man overheard this most subtle reference & begged to disagree. If I remember correctly he protested I was "not being nice" & argued with me about the actual number of boxes & claimed that maybe (probably, most likely) there are only 10 boxes at the very most of ManCrap that might (but probably not) need to be sorted through & downsized.

Not being nice? Nice has nothing to do with it. I was just stating a fact.

Did he forget that numbers are my friends & I am very rarely wrong when it comes to any kind of quantity, measurement or date?

Since I was accused of not being nice, now I want to know just how many ManBoxes are hanging out around the Haus. I say we all put our thinking caps on & play a little numbers game. Let's estimate - jelly beans in a jar fashion - how many ManBoxes are in the garage & basement.

For the record, we are not being not nice. We are using our logical skills & mathematical talents to solve a problem. We HausFrauen are keeping our brains sharp just in case we ever have to do any real thinking. Like deciding what to cook for dinner. Or how long much water to use in the washing machine.

ManBoxes are defined as boxes that contain nothing of mine. These are the boxes I open at every duty station, stress about & shove in a corner because I don't know what to do with them. These are the boxes that Man insists (at every duty station) he will deal with "later". These are the boxes that Man wants me to quit talking about. These are the boxes I think have no purpose other than to grate on my last PCS nerve.

These are the boxes that define our marriage.

Just joking.

Back to the boxes . . . the white boxes were packed in Belgium & do not qualify as ManBoxes.

Here is what's in storage in the sub-basement. I'll take responsibility for the teaching crap (4-5 boxes) & leftover baby stuff (see the taped up Huggies box?). Here's a hint: the 9 boxes in the front are the ManBoxes of which I speak.

Here's another angle so that you can see how far back the pile goes. Notice the brown pile behind the white boxes.

And, here's what's in the garage. ALL of these boxes have been in storage for almost 4 years & some have not been sorted through since 2000. The white boxes in the front are either empty or contain donate items. Of the brown boxes . . . they're not mine . . .

So, how many boxes are ManBoxes? Just hit the comment button with your guess. I'll have Laze-E help me count & the closest guess wins a prize.

The prize . . . it's a surprise. But I will tell you, it will be found in one of our boxes!

Note to Man: Hi, Babe. Love you! (Insert finger wave) Don't take it personally. Sometimes a Frau just has to BoxBlog and get it off her chest. Especially if someone happens to bogart her remaining half a chill pill. I noticed MiniMe was peacefully sleeping & quite calm when I came home from Bunco last night. There wouldn't be any sort of connection, would there?

Willkommen zum Schloss Rockin'Bauer

Welcome to new our Haus. Just wait until my household goods show up, then it will most certainly be Schloss Rockin'Bauer. Right now, spacious & cavernous are good descriptors. My car is here & has Virginia tags. One vehicle down, one to go. Can the ship be any slower?

Here's the entryway looking into the kitchen. Laze-E just got home from school & that's her stuff dumped on the floor. Like, where else was she supposed to put it?!

This is a picture looking into the living area/den/family room - whatever you want to call it. My "living room" stuff will go in here. And, I'm putting all my office stuff in the "formal" living room. I'm so not a parlor & crumpets kind of gal.

And, here's the kichen. To you it may look like an ordinary American kitchen. To me, it's big & roomy, the appliances are huge and I can certainly work the Schnitzel magic here.

Here's the basement. My plan is for it to be the catchall for everything I don't want to look at all the time. Kinder included. Don't you love the outdated & ugly green trim? My personal fav is the lawn chairs. How redneck. The only saving grace is that nothing has been duct taped.

I totally heart the porch & deck. My vision is have to the Rockin'est Biergarten (okay, Weingarten might be a better name) ever! Complete with a little fiesta multi-colored lights to add that special Texas flare. Just wait until you see the wine barrell I scored in Belgium.

Here's MiniMe posing on the deck overlooking the backyard.

And, here's the hot tub. Actually, it was a cold tub in this picture, but MiniMe didn't care.

Party. My Haus. Invitation is always open. Call me.

SpendThrifty

I've recently alluded to the fact that I really do not like to shop. It's not the shopping itself that grates on my last nerve and exhausts me. But, I do not like crowds & I hate wandering around not knowing where anything is, not being familiar with the vast product selection here in the US & I really don't care to shop with my youngest. I'm also not a fan of retail prices.

I made a recent trip to the Double Decker Target (MiniMe made the observation that the "O" in Target is silent. That's not an "O" SweetPea, it a "target" symbol, but great job with those foniks.) In the picture below, I am exercising utmost patience. MiniMe doesn't want to be shopping and I don't really want to be shopping with her. I let her snap random pictures and run down the camera battery in an attempt to buy just enough peace and quiet to locate gender-neutral Valentines for her class.

And this is me just one "But, I'm tired! I wanna go home now! This is taking too long!" short of going momicidal on her. By the way, it helps reduce stress to pose for the camera & will momentarily distract small children.

Motherhood can be so attractive, huh?

And, here is a recent shopping trip of the divine kind. East Coast's LARGEST Thrift Shop & I went there all by my lonesome. My favorite thrift shop is still SubourbonHausFrau's Boutique in Brussels, but this one makes a decent substitution. The picture below is only showing part of the store.

Of course, it took me 90 minutes to look through most of the store, but I did score a few bargains. See why I need a job? I could go broke saving money in a place like this!

Random Thoughts

The parking spaces at IKEA are really roomy.

Potomac Mills Outlet Mall is really huge, but I purchased nothing.

Thankfully, there was a car in front of me. Otherwise, I would not have remembered to stop for the school bus.

I keep forgetting I can make a right turn on a red light.

But, I do keep slowing down and yielding right at every intersection. It totally annoys the locals.

There is large fridge in the basement that I've yet to use.

My upright freezer that was in storage is completely empty. I keep thinking how handy extra cold-storage would be for all my overseas friends.

The "Convenience Station" in the ladies' room was stocked with Tampons, Tylenol & Tattoos. What else could a PMS victim ever need?!

I really like all the corny daytime estrogen shows on TLC.

I think military Brats are the best kids ever. Ok, some of them are straight-up juvenile deliquents, but the good ones are worth their weight in gold. Their moms are awesome too!

I think I need to find some kind of job.

I do not want to teach anything to anybody.

I need to go back to school, but I'm not sure if I can make it happen until Texas.

I don't know who likes the in-the-door ice & water more: Me or MiniMe.

I am totally annoyed with TV & radio commercials. Especially the ones that repeat every 15 minutes. Or less.

$148 is outrageously expensive for the 2 minutes it took to open the locked door. But, I paid it. What else can you do when the moving truck is there & all doors are locked? I know, I know. Any one of the movers probably possessed the ability to B&E my house in about 10 seconds flat, but no one was admitting to squat. Or volunteered their services.

Our household goods are still at sea, but I am really ready for them to get here.

Traffic here is not as bad as I had expected.

I forgot how quickly I can knock out a week's worth of laundry.

I do not understand why the Ft. Belvoir commissary is bigger & has more selection than the Ramstein one. Overseas patrons (who can't run down the road to: Target, Walmart, Giant, Safeway, Costco, Trader Joe's, Etc.) need bigger facilities & more choices. Why is it the opposite?

Who knew my own personal hot tub could be so much fun?

I really like my new swimsuits. I had to order from Land's End because they actually make freak-of-nautre sizes. It was really cool that they just showed up on my front door step!

I'm amused with how chatty some of you can be on the comments.

I am ready for the Pilot to get here. It will save me about 2.5 hours of chauffeuring every day.

Two fold-out recling lawn chairs make for living room furniture.

I do not joke about double decker Targets!

Tu Cute

My heartfelt apologies go out to all my Europe friends on Facebook who had to endure my whining about the incredible amount of selection around here for any kind of shopping. Right now, any shopping trip for me is overwhelming, takes me forever & I don't get 1/2 the stuff I set out to purchase. It's a combination of not finding exactly what I'm looking for, price comparing & just taking too darn long to look at everything.

Give me a break, people! We've been overseas for 5 1/2 out of the last 8 years & I am waaayy out of practice.

Anyway, I did find a Michael's & a semi-decent Walmart & easily found the materials to make a really cute Valentine tutu for MiniMe. I know. There are hundreds of other things PCS-related that I should have been doing, but I chose to play with tulle & ribbon instead.

It was totally worth my time, because look how adorable this turned out:

My next tutu will have some kind of purple. Just because. And, tomorrow, I'm making a run to IKEA. Wish me luck!

Lost & Found

Dear HausFrau:

After reading your recent publication Batteries Not Included, I must say that Tip #23 really spoke to me. Well, now that I think about it, screamed might actually be a better description. You see, much like the mysterious Frau portrayed in the artilce, I have a particular battery operated . . . uh, thing . . . that has gone MIA.

Yeah, I know. Normally, this would be no big deal I mean, it's not like my husband is deployed or anything but we are PCSing soon & my preference is not to end up as the perfect bad example in a future HausFrau Handbook.

Let me tell you, Savvy, I have looked everywhere without success & I'm starting to get a little bit panicky. I have looked here:

And . . . I have look here:

And, I've looked here. Twice.

Oh, where? Oh, where? I have been tearing my Haus apart in a 3-day frenzy attempting to local the darn thing. Just when I think I have another bright idea of where it might be, I come up empty handed. Again & again & again.

In a nutshell, my Haus is a total disaster & I still haven't located the Energizer Bunny. Please help.

Signed, ~Desperate HausFrau in Europe

****************************************************

Dear Desperate (a completely anonymous fellow HausFrau in Europe whom I am certain I do not know in real life):

Not to worry, girlfriend. These things do happen & if so, you will live to tell about it (oh, please let me be the first to know!). My first recommendation is to take a deep breath & c-a-l-m d-o-w-n.

My SuperSavvy Readers (please make suggestions in the comment box) and I will help you brainstorm about where to look next. Have you looked:

• in the kitchen gadget drawer?
• the kids' toy box?
• your Man's tool box?
• desk drawer?
• behind the washing machine?
• under the couch?
• in the Halloween decoration box?

If the object of our discussion continues to remain MIA, I recommend confronting your fears & insecurities head on. When your movers show up, give them all a firm hand shake & introduce yourself (& your Man). Definitely introduce your Man & have him present for the following conservation with the Mover Dudes (just for giggles, it's really nothing that needs a witness):

Hey, Mover Dudes. Listen. I misplaced a really big purple rabbit shaped vibrator a few months back & can't find it although I've looked & looked & looked. As you pack up all my worldly possessions, can you pretty please be on the look out for it? I really don't want to know if you find it or not, but it would be super-dee-duper if you could remove the four size D batteries before you pack it up & throw it into my sock drawer. I'm trying to avoid any future embarrassing situations. Muchas Gracia! You guys are the bestest. Mwah!

We are all anxiously awaiting the final outcome. Remember, we thrive off dysfunction & humor so we will all be sorely disappointed if you find it in your sock drawer.

Thanks for Reading! ~HausFrau

Across the Pond

Last Saturday, we started here.

What?!

Why?! Especially when there were 3 perfectly fine toliets in the same loo.

Then we boarded this:

Eventually, we arrived in DC.




Hello, Target! I was there 30 minutes before I realized it was a double decker.

And, so begins the culture shock.