Savvy with HausWork

Desperate Housewives quotable:

Bree: Well, she’s a bitch.

Andrew: Yes, but she’s family, so that makes her our bitch.

Busted! That’s what I was doing yesterday when I should have been diligently attending to HausFrau tasks. Hey, let’s face it, my choice came down to a) toilets or b) Wisteria Lane. We all know, there’s not one loo in my house that stood a snowball’s chance. Seriously, if Man would pony-up the money for some of those snazzy, feather & lace rubber cleaning gloves, I might be a little more inspired to get off my duff & a be a little more swishy & swipey in the bathrooms.

It’s just me and the plain, boring yellow latex, so I did minimal duties yesterday. Between Oprah on AFN (with Carson for a Look Good Naked show) and Oprah on Dutch cable (the knocked-up “man” from Oregon) and Dr. Phil twice (refer to Desperate quote above for topic of both shows) and watching the entire Season 2 a bit of Desperate Housewives I didn’t get around to attacking HausWork with my usual OCD tendencies enthusiasm.

But, in all fairness to me, I did do just enough. It’s all about superior time management skills & moving fast.

HausFrau Rule Number 1:

No screen time during commercials.

Within the confines of “normal business hours” (0900-1700, Monday-Friday) you may watch any and everything you want on the boob-tube EXCEPT commercials.

Commercial times will be spent zipping through the house containing clutter, flitting around with a feather duster, throwing the washer load into the dryer, vacuuming the floors & swishing out toilets. Etcetera, etcetera, Blah, blah, blah & a margarita.

Internet usage may be substituted for TV watching unless you can multitask. (Yeah, I know you can, so knock yourself out.)

There is no hard-and-fast rule about watching commercial-free TV & movies. I do recommend a 1:5 ratio (for those who learned math in Wisconsin are mathematically challenged, that’s 10 minutes of frenzied cleaning for every 50 minutes of couch loafing).

Adhering to these guidelines will allow you, on occasion, to take the moral high road. You’ll have a snappy & honest answer ready for when your Man asks the inevitable:

So, what did you do all day?

Your answer may look something like this:

I zipped through the house containing clutter, flitted around with a feather duster, laundered 3 loads, vacuumed floors & swished out toilets. Etcetera, etcetera, Blah, blah, blah & two margaritas.

So, what did you do today? Besides, sit on your behiney in front of the computer during normal business hours?

Yesterday, I was ready with my laundry (no pun intended, really) list answer of commercially completed HausFrau tasks, just waiting on Man to pop the question.

But, he didn't follow the script & forced me to lie like Laze-E does when aksed if her room is clean fudge the truth just a little.

Man comes waltzing through the door - hi, honey, I'm home - and before he sits down his briefcase, we had this conservation:

Man: Wow!

Me Smuggly Thinking: Home cooked meals do it every time

Man: The Haus looks wonderful. Have you been cleaning all day?

Me Out Loud: Wha . . huh? Yeah. Uh, Yes! I have been cleaning all day. How was your day, dear? Want to watch the Housewives with me after I get the dishes done?