Say Cheese

Dear Mom & Aunt Savvy,

In my defense . . .

Was it not bad enough that you dragged me to see Hannah Montana, the super dumb & completely lame Movie this morning? Only two things good about that little adventure: #1 - you let me bring my DS & #2 - it was pretty funny when Jackson had that unfortunate run-in with the gator. It's not like I can even add popcorn or a soda to the List of Good Things About the Movie Experience because Aunt Savvy you two were too cheap to do more than pay for a matinee.

Obviously, dragging me to the movie wasn't the only torture you had in store. I know this because right after the movie you dragged me over to look at the "pretty" pink flowers. Then, to add insult to injury, you threatened to take away my DS if I did not get out of the van and look all happy & full of sunshine about those dumb flowers.

What did I ever do to deserve this? And, don't mention that one time I puked at the dinner table while the rest of you (& all the surrounding tables full of restaurant patrons) were trying to enjoy the famous BBQ. Trust me, that wasn't much fun for me either. And, I didn't think the brisket tasted all that famous anyway.

Back to my defense strategy should The Case of FryBoy ever go to court . . . apparently, you weren't going to stop with the BoyTorture until you snapped "the perfect" picture of me with the girls and the dumb flowers. I know I was supposed to be smiling in this picture.

With teeth showing.

But not so much that I did the dorky kid-smile.

And, certainly not my signature smile where I show all my teeth & let my tongue ooze out from the missing teeth holes. Even though that's my favorite.

Oh yeah. And, I was supposed to be looking at the camera.

Seriously? All these rules. I'm just a little boy!

Oh, and I would like to mention that threat to speed dial the Easter Bunny to tell him to hop on past my house was a low blow. Next time, just jerk a knot in my tail, or beat me like you promised & be done with it. It will certainly help my defense if there's some prior evidence of child abuse to present to the jury.

There's only so much flowers & sunshine & sparkles & secret pop star fluff that a boy can take before a boy's gotta do what a boy's gotta do.

Don't blame me, you wanted me to smile & look all happy. And, by-golly, I think I do.

I'm quite happy. And, pleased with myself.

Hey, it's not my fault the girls over-reacted and ruined the picture.

Geez, it was just a little fart. And, we all know Aunt Savvy can get way more mileage out of a picture like this. So, all I have to say is: you are very welcome.

I guess my defense is really a creative offense . . . I did you a favor.

Sincerely,

FryBoy, age 9

PS - You think maybe next time you can feed me before you inflict picture punishment on me?

PSS - Oh, and that Hannah Montana thing, can we keep that a secret from my friends?