Nuts: the Adjective, not the Noun

HausFrau's How-To Guide

Surviving the Kindergarten Halloween Autumn Harvest Party

Exhibit A: Be Slightly Rebellious & wear a black t-shirt that subtly hints of a Witch costume. While you are at it, show just a tad of cleavage.

You are aiming for the sexy Witch look.

Exhibit B: Be All-Out Rebellious & wear an orange shirt with a picture of a witch that reads "I'm a Good Witch". Be sure to pair the orange shirt with a black under shirt -- we don't want anyone to miss the Halloween insinuation.
(Go, RebelMama, you are my hero!)

Exhibit C: Hover over RoomMamas and insist on changing the rules to Musical Chairs. Only change the rules once the game has started & be very ambiguous about the rule changes so that it takes at least 5 minutes for everyone to figure out the dumbass rule change. Closely monitor RoomMamas to ensure this particular game of Musical Chairs doesn't become some kind of Halloween ritual.

It might also be a good idea not to let the RoomMamas read the stories that they brought with them. Seriously consider that they never to read to small children & know nothing about children's literature. Insist on their reading from your collection only. Not inappropriate children's books about pumpkins borrowed from the community library.

Exhibit D: Closely monitor the entire class as they play BINGO. HausFrau RoomMama said it was Fall BINGO, but you must make certain she didn't sneak in a witch hat or black cat on the BINGO cards.

For the Kinder: Yell BINGO every time you get a BINGO. MiniMe's Mom said it was okay & she's fairly certain that this will drive Miss D absolutely bonkers Miss D won't mind either. Keep playing BINGO until everyone gets a black out. Enthusiastically yell BINGO every time you get a new BINGO until all the pictures on your card are covered. Because you will be hyped up on sugar by this time, yelling won't be a problem.

Also, tell MiniMe's Mom that you are having a blast and that you love her. That way she'll be more than happy to bring non-Thanksgiving BINGO cards to the Turkey & Pumpkin Celebration Party in November.

Exhibit E:

Dear Presidental Candidates, please smile for all your photo opportunities, especially the ones that will later be used for Kinder propganda. If you are old, use that to your advantage. Get the grandpa look going & make them want to climb into your lap for story time. They will assume you like small children and are nice. These are very important characteristics that you must possess in order to get the Kindy vote.

Dear Mr. Broccoli, Congratulations! You clearly have the smile down pat. You secured the overwhelming majority (7 to 2 with one abstainer) of the Kindy vote because of that smile. That's a huge accomplishment since these are all military brats & I'm fairly certain their parents will be voting for the old dude.

RoomMamas: In addition to BINGO & Musical Chairs, make trail mix with the class. Have lots of mini marshmallows, popcorn & Skittles on hand as these are often a five year old favorite. Strictly avoid Halloween colored M&M's & Reece's Pieces as those can be associated with a specific holiday & this is not a holiday celebration party, as previously explained in a recent HausFrau publication . Send lots of trail mix and goodies home with the kids. Most importantly, stock every goodie bag with glow-in-the-dark vampire teeth, as those are often an Autumn Harvest necessity. Squirrels frequently need extra help cracking nuts, you know.

Once the party is over & Kinder are loaded on the buses headed for home, encourage KindyTeacher to take a load off in the Teacher's Lounge because she had to work so hard monitoring those rebel RoomMamas. Then kick back with other RebelParents, celebrate a well executed party & tell ghost stories by the light of the Fridge.

Beginning with the legend of the Witches Brew. It's the one where the mean old witch hag stores her specially concocted brew in a magic cold box & uses it to cope with scare small children . . .