Happy Day in DC

It took some effort & coaxing on my part, but look what I managed:

It's Sir Winston Churchill bunny-earing Man! I'm trying to decide if this is stereotypical British dry humor or very stereotypical HausFrau Humor . . . perhaps a bit of both?

It took some effort & coaxing on my part, but look what else I managed on the same day:

Oh yeah! It's an awesome sangria-margarita! All I had to do was order twice, argue with the waitress & flash my Over-21 Texas driver's license. Well worth my effort, my friends. Watch out DC, I have a valid ID card & I'm not afraid to use it.

If you are ever in the National Capital area & would like to recreate the events documented above, I highly recommend taking a personal day off from toilet scrubbing & laundry your high-paying government job. Leave the kids at school (free babysitting at its best) & stroll up Embassy Row, passing British Embassy compound. Stop by the National Cathedral on your way to Cactus Cantina for a leisurely lunch - no dishes to do, my fellow HausFrauen, and the Tex-Mex is some of the best. Even by my standards.

Busted

It was bound to happen sooner or later.

I always thought later meant after HausFrau becomes a top-rated sitcom & I get to make the Oprah-Letterman couch rounds as being the real Savvy.

But, I didn't make it to later because sooner happened this past Friday. I actually met someone (for the very first time, mind you) in real life who very quickly put 2 & 2 together and totally guessed that that my Internet alter-ego is Savvy.

Even as I sit here writing this, I am amazed. I was picked out of a crowd of thousands & thousands of HausFrauen out here in the DC 'Burbs & drug out of my secret Internet hidey-hole.

Here's how the event went down:

I show up at the elementary school Friday morning to chaperone the 1st graders on a walking field trip. I'm looking all cute in my Happy Halloween shirt & brand-spanking new hair color (red is such a hot color for a HausFrau). While we waited for the kinder to get ready for the field trip (just another reason to thank God for those teachers who love their elementary jobs!) I begin to mingle with some of the other parents & surprisingly, a mom introduced herself to me.

Y'all know that I immediately assumed she must be military because the NoVA natives don't tend to gravitate toward me & ask things like . . . my name. Or whose mom I am.

Over the next 45 minutes of our walking field trip, I chit-chatted with Matt'sMom as the logistics of herding 21 first graders 1.5 miles would allow. As could be predicted, it eventually came up in conversation that we Rockin'Bauers only moved to the DC area from Belgium as recently as February.

Matt'sMom, wow. . . let me tell you, nothing gets past this woman. She could probably bust up a few terrorists cells without breaking a sweat. And, frost cupcakes for a class party. All in a day's work, right?

Anyway, no sooner than the word "Belgium" came out of my mouth, she wanted to know if I knew her friend, Red (Hi Sandra! Know & love you!) & ooooohhhhhhh,

then she wanted to know if I was the one with the blog.

Uh . . .

The one with the blog?

Uh . . . oh!

Seriously, she figured that out from my casually mentioning that I lived in Belgium? I suppose it could have been worse. She could have blurted out: OMG, you're Tampon Woman! Hey, everyone, it's Tampon Woman & who decided to let her be the Room Mama?! Does the principal know?

I do believe that I now have two options:

1. I have to homefool school MiniMe, give up my job as 1st Grade Room Mama & lay low (very, very low) until we PCS again.

Or,

2. Matt'sMom is my new DC BFF because there is a real possibility that she knows way too much. (Hi, Rachel - Sandra vouched for you on Facebook. Maybe she'll vouch for me too? If not, are you interested in the Room Mama job?)

Making the Grade

Below is the sad, sad tale of how a HausFrau got a B on an anatomy test.

OK, fine, you know it was me. As I hang my head in shame, I confess that I got an 88 (a flippin' B) on my Joints & Muscles test last week. Can you believe it? Me neither & I'm still a little miffed.

It all started with a simple email distributed to all students enrolled for the summer at the local community college. The message simply stated that the visitor parking garage would be closed for the day. I made a mental note to be on the look-out for an alternative parking solution, perhaps I could locate metered parking somewhere. It's not like I have a decal like a real student - I'm only there to have adult supervision while I take on-line tests, least I cheat and actually manange to pull off an A.

After spending a leisurely morning & part of the afternoon at the pool with the kids, cramming for the test, I decided to just bite the bullet and head on over to the college. It was just an exam during the summer, so I didn't spend too much time in front of the mirror before leaving the Haus. Tank top from the pool, hair in a clippie, capris, lip gloss & flip flops on the way out the door. Oh, and my pop-of-color magenta handbag that I bought from the thrift store for $6.99.

As I arrived at the campus armed with extreme knowledge of ligaments, synovial fluid & microscopic muscle structure, I noticed that indeed the parking garage was closed as promised. Blocked off with yellow crime-scene-ish type of tape. As a matter of fact, several large parking lots & walking areas were blocked off with the yellow tape. And, both an ambulance & firetruck were positioned for a quick response. To whatever.

I think to myself, "Oh, this must be an emergency preparedness type of exercise. You know, community college as the local shelter in the event of . . . well, you name it, this is DC, after all."

After driving around for a bit, it became apparent that the only place I could park was in "Decal Only" parking, violators will be fined. Heavily. So, I parked with the intention of approaching the first official looking person - perhaps that campus security officer standing over by the firetruck - and inquire about my legal parking options.

As I sashayed across the parking lot - totally looking like a HausFrau in Flip Flops with a thrift store purse off to take a test for a class she shouldn't have to be taking in the first place - I noticed that I am beginning to feel way under dressed. Way.

Hmmmm.

Pantyhose & suits?

Neckties?

Hello? This is summer school at the community college. I might never not always fit in. For example, I am older than everyone else, I've got that suburban HausFrau look going on that not everyone can pull off, I don't wear a head scarf & English is my native language. And, I don't need a math placement test thankyouverymuch.

As I meander, I again think to myself, "Oh, I guess that dude in the black suit with the black-out shades standing by the big black SUV with black-out tint doesn't look like campus security now that I am closer."

I must admit, I was beginning to think the Secret Service had that place locked down. Tight.

Deciding to risk a parking fine in the name of higher education, I chose not to bother the man in black - or his amigo, the other man in black standing by the firetruck - & I attempted to work my way through the maze of yellow tape, heading for the testing center in Building CG. Guess what. The oodles & oodles of yellow tape were way more clever than this HausFrau & I could not figure out how to get from point A to point B. Since all the official people looked scary & unfriendly in a military police sort of way, I found a friendly looking real college student to help me.

She was young, definitely not a HausFrau in Flip Flops, & she used her English as a Second Language to explain that . . .

Obama was in the Haus. Building CG to be specific & there was no way the Secret Service was letting any uninvited HausFrauen past the yellow tape.

Not even to take a stupid Anatomy & Fizz test.

Seriously friends, I was thisclose to marching up to the Secret Service to ask about parking options at the community college.

In flip flops.

And, I was thisclose to snapping a picture of the POTUS, or at least putting a full-on effort into doing so. Except for my camera was sans memory stick. By the time I ran back home to fetch it & returned, all the hoopla at the campus had cleared away. Sigh.

Eventually & without further obstructions, I flip-flopped over to Building CG & incorrectly answered one too many questions for an A. Sadly for me, not quite an A means a big, fat B.

While I take responsibility for my part of this dismal grade - like maybe the few incorrect answers that landed me with a possible 90 - which is an A, I would like to personally thank the following people for distracting me & consequently causing me to miss that one extra question & make this B a reality:

First, the person responsible for sending the email that the parking garage would be closed. While it was nice to have that information ahead of time, you could have mentioned the reason for the closure and suggest alternative test dates/times.

Then, the Democrats for the Stimulus Package which I am sure is one of the reasons that necessitated a POTUS trip to the local community college.

Next, all the "visitors" in pantyhose & neckties who made me feel under dressed & inadequate. Even though my handbag was way more rockin' than any of those standard-issue-business-office-black ones.

And, finally the head honcho Secret Service guy for staring at me from behind his black-out shades. I know he was looking. He was also probably requesting back-up from other agents pre-positioned on the roof of the parking garage. Hey, Herb, heads up. Coming up on your nine-o'clock. HausFrau in Flip Flops. Earl, got a visual? JoeBob, can you run the plates on that illegally parked SUV. Blue Pilot, Virginia tags. JoeBob! JoeBob! She is carrying! I repeat, she's carrying! Earl, got a visual? Roger that. Phew! It's just a red purse. Herb, keep an eye on her. She looks a little shifty & out of place around here. OK, fine, Earl, it's magenta, not red, what are you? The fashion police? Just keep an eye on her, OK? Over & out.

He Said, She Said

Man: So, do you want to go or not?

Me: Uh . . .

Me: Well . . .

Me: Maybe . . .

Me: OK . . .

Me: Maybe not . . .

Man: Are you trying to be passive aggressive?

Me: No. I don't think so.

Man: Can you be anymore indecisive?

Me: I don't know. Maybe.

Competitive Moving - We Win

A few days ago I happened to glance across the street & noticed this scene:

My neighbors are packing up to move to Germany. And, as jealous as I am about that, I did take a moment to be really glad it wasn't me on the receiving end of an overseas move. Or any move for that matter.

I said to myself:
Hey, SavvySelf, just looking at that makes me want to vomit & hyperventilate.

My SavvySelf agreed (which is really fortunate since we are one in the same & if we didn't agree, we'd probably be diagnosed with a multiple personality disorder & we I would need more therapy than what the occasional blogging can deliver).

Anyway, later that same day, Man waltzed in the door from a hard day's work and commented that just looking at the Trucks & Crates gave him heart palpitations.

I agreed with him (which is also very fortunate) & explained that I had the same kind of visceral reaction just thinking about a move. I also pointed out that I was extremely thrilled that another one wasn't in the immediate future. And, by immediate I mean not until next summer. Because that's what you told me, that's what the Military wants, and next summer at the earliest, right? Right?

And, I really have no desire to compete for the Gold in the
Military Moves Olympics. Silver is just dandy with me.

His answer . . .

Unless I get another job within the HQ. Then we can leave in February.

Wha . . . Huh?

Surely he's just joking? You know, just kidding?

Seriously? Really?

Excuse me while I . . . bluughck! Breathe in, breathe out.breathe.breathe.in.out.in.out.in.out . . . Anyone have a brown paper bag handy? Bluughck!

Class Act

As of this past Monday, I am now in the throes of two.
Count them: one . . . two online classes.

What does this mean for me?

That I have options, of course.

If I chose to avoid haus work, I can throw myself into anatomy diagrams.

It also means that if I want to avoid school work, I can become more enthusiastic about our toilets.

See? It's a win-win situation.

Except for when I want to avoid both & crash in front of 3 weeks' worth of DVR'd Medium.

And, even that looks like a win to me.

It's all skittles & rainbows until I consider the nitty-gritty details of the class. Although it is online, it's from a local community college & that means that most of my virtual classmates are in the NoVA area. Meaning I could run into these people at any given time.

Meaning, I have to be careful what I say & write.

My speciality.

Anyway, our first "assignment" was to introduce ourselves in an open forum.
So I did:

Hi, my name is HausFrau. This is my first ever community college class (!!). I am a wife & a mother. And, I am not gainfully employed. Nor have I been for 4 years. I am hoping to turn my life around with this one community college class. Gosh, I sure hope I can stay on top of the course content.

OK, so that's not what I really said.

Hi, my name is Savvy & OMG! I can not believe I am paying out-of-state tuition (to the tune of $1100) to take a flippin' community college class for a course that I am certified to teach! I am totally here against my will & had best be getting a A out of the deal.

OK, I didn't quite say that either.

I really did the whole blah, blah, blah thing. Just moved to NoVA, getting necessary pre-requisites out of the way. Trying to re-purpose, re-career. Tired of the toilets & crappy pay.

And, then I read what some of my fellow classmates wrote. There were several in my same boat: mid-life career crisis, retiring from the military, second career, etc.

Then, there were the others.

** Hi, I'm __ (fill in the blank with any super popular name for babies born in 1989). I'm 19, but I will be 20 (OMG!!) next month. I was attending ____ (fill in the blank with any Virginia University) but that wasn't working out so well what with the Frat parties & all. I moved back home & am now taking community college classes. I am so excited & nervous about this class like, my parents actually expect me to pass. Wow! This class looks really hard. You mean we have to memorize all the body parts?!

** Hi, it's Miss 1989 - again. OMG! I'm still stressing about this class. Does anyone want to start a study group?

** Hi, Miss 1989, I'd love to be in the study group. Email me the details: BornIn1990@NoVA.com

** Oh, I'd love to join the study group. Keep me posted. StillWearingDiapersIn1991@NoVA.com

** Hey, I'm game. Let me know & I'll have my husband keep the baby. SeniorClass98@NoVA.com

** Hi, all. I could sure use a study group. I'm in.
RetireArmy2010@NoVA.com

** OK, esteemed colleagues - especially those of you over the age of 21. When you say study group, do you mean the kind where you actually show up with textbooks, diagrams, notes & discuss possible test questions?
If so, I'll have to take a rain check.

Or, do you mean study group as in margaritas & appetizers in Old Towne?
If so, count me in.

And, make mine a double.
SavvyHausFrau@aol.com

Miss Fit

(Excuse for being MIA: Let me just put it this way - I'm 2.5 weeks into my Food Nazi class, I'm one chapter away from the midterm & I have a 100 average.)

And, I'm still not fitting in with the locals. As a matter of fact, I usually feel like that Sesame Street segment - which one doesn't belong, which one is not like the others? No doubt, I'd be the one wearing a tank top & shorts while the others are bundled up in winter gear.

I took time out last week to pick MiniMe up from school & hung out on the playground afterwards. It's just easier to sit there reading a book (a real book, not some15 lb textbook) than to come home to MiniMe & boredom.

So there I sat reading my book, which admittedly is a bit on the geeky side, but chit-chat & offers of Happy Hour later are either few & far between, or sadly, non-existent.

Did I mention that I was sitting on a bench next to a Dad who was also reading & not watching his 3-year old go skinny dipping in the mud hole on the baseball field, but who am I to judge? He was really into his super thick book (complete with frowny creases between his eyes) when a Mrs. came over to chit-chat with him.

I know. But, who am I to judge?

Anyway, they promptly interrupted my reading (complete with giggling & preemptive leg-crossing, just in case) to discuss what he was reading. They droned on & on about the excitement of history, especially the primary & secondary causes of the American Revolution. Then DadDude said he had another book that he started - the book's focus centered around the primary & secondary causes of WWII & the events leading up to the first bullet being fired. But he only started that book. Didn't finish it because he thought it might be more appropriate as a Beach Book.

Hey, I almost started liking the guy (even though he was distracting me from my reading & his daughter was still vastly unsupervised & up to her eyeballs in mud) because I thought he was being sarcastic. Yep, that WWII book was 1500 pages & way too exciting for just an ordinary day at the playground. It's like a page-party between the covers. I'll save it for my vaca on the beach down in South Carolina. It'll be light & fun (& funny) in a breezy, sandy, sunny kind of way. You know how Hitler & his homies can be! LOL

No such luck. He was serious & went droning on about why he was saving the book for the beach . . . it was really fascinating & thought-provoking . . .

There I sat, being way less geeky than originally accused, hiding the cover of my rather thin-ish book. The PMS Murder by Laura Levine.

Well, at least my child wasn't role-playing a bimbo mud wrestler.

Not today, anyway.

As if the Book Incident wasn't bad enough, you should see the inside of MiniMe's backpack:



Yep, that's what you think it is. The unsophisticated solution for anything that needs a solution. I'm just too cheap & lazy to hunt down a new backpack with just over a month left of school. In my defense, this is the inside of the backpack. I do draw the line a visible duct tape. I wouldn't want to appear trashy or anything. Especially considering my choice of recreational reading material.

And, I saved the best for last. Anyone care to guess?

Happy Birthday You-Know-What to Man!

Who: use your imagination
Where: in the Rockin'Bauer Biergarten
When: 29 April some plain ol' day last month
What: attempting to work the grill for the first time after the move
Why: Only God knows for sure
How: MiniMe was in charge of taking Man's Festivus pictures for the scrapbook

I can see where this next year might be a weeny bit challenging for me. The question remains . . do I even bother? Do I stand a chance?

I bet the all NoVA Natives make wise book choices, buy their kids new backpacks & take face pictures for birthdays. And, I'm just not sure I can compete with that.

Mood Elevators Wouldn't Be As Much Fun

Even I noticed that I was MIA this time. It's not like I didn't want to blog and it's certainly not like there weren't random bloggable thoughts running through my mind. It's just that I have been busy.

You know. What with toilets and all.

Also, I managed to find myself enrolled in school again & I fear that the prof for the class might very well be the Nutrition Nazi in disguise. I think we may have a wee bit of a chip on the shoulder. I don't just teach a class about what to eat, I lecture on the finer points of biochemistry and the interaction of cells . . . blah, blah, blah.

Since this class is just a prerequisite, I just wanted the What to Eat 101 Lecture & Lab Series taught by Paula Deen. Easy A+ for me. Especially if weight gain earns me extra credit.

So, guess what? I have a mountain of nutrition reading and work to do.

And, here I am with sparkly clean toilets, freshly vacuumed floors, & empty laundry baskets sitting in front of my computer. Not doing schoolwork.

But telling you about my latest Adventures in Kindergarten.

Right after we moved to NoVa and sometime before I hooked up with the Food Poliezi, I was looking for something to do & practically begged casually mentioned that I would like to work with the Kindy Kids one day a week. So, here I am, 5 weeks into my latest volunteer assignment wondering what the heck I was thinking.

Bored? Since when is that a huge problem? Go find a toilet to scrub, an HGTV show to watch or a glass of wine that needs to be chugged sipped.

Need to make friends? Since when is Kindergarten the place to accomplish that?

Need a boost in self-esteem? Stay far, far away from small children. They tend not to have the filters that mute brutal honesty.

Last week I found myself elbow deep in scissors & glue sticks working with small groups of small kids on a flower life-cycle science/art project. Normally, this would have been right up my alley, and it was. Until a point.

Instead of cutting and gluing with proper determination & speed, the little chit-chatters were lallygagging & chattering away about birthdays & who was still 5, who was already 6, who had what party planned, what kind of cake, etc. etc.

Suddenly, it got really quiet & 5 sets of eyes were on me . . . Hey Mrs. MiniMe's Mom, how old are you?

That's it. The point where I faced the moral dilemma of either flat out lying to small children making something up at random that sounded good or telling the truth.

I thought about fudging the truth, but I couldn't decide what number to lie about. While I was flipping numbers in my mind (22? 28? 30? 35? 50?. . . 15?) it occurred to me that anything over the age of their oldest sibling was going to sound ancient, so I opted for the truth.

Besides, do they fire volunteers who lie to children? That might not pan out too well if I ever wanted to avoid more nutrition homework volunteer with first graders.

Well, Little Suzie (& all your extremely nosey little friends) I am 37.

Loud & Proud, my friends.

Wow! Mrs. MiniMe's Mom! That's really old. My mom is only 25.

My mom is only 28.

My mom is 32 and my dad is 33. You're like way older than both of them.

Yeah, I think my grandma might be 37.
***************************************************

On a much lighter note, MiniMe was the Office Helper last week & thoroughly enjoyed every minute of every additional duty. She was beyond excited to wipe off the girls' table after lunch, escort classmates to & from the office/nurse's office, collect the library books and take the attendance to the office.

Bossy and prefers to be in charge? Not sure where those traits are coming from.

Anyway, she told me that the teacher takes grades on attendance. Two of kids got A's & two other kids got really, really bad grades.

Mom! They were so bad, they got T's!

For those of you not well versed in teacher-speak, A=absent & T=tardy.

I think these kids are more than ready for first grade. And, while they blaze a trail up the hallway to the first grade classrooms, I think I might just hang back with the new kindy class.

Either that, or I am totally grabbing a glass of Merlot & parking my patootie in front of FoodTV. If Paula can't raise my self-esteem, chase away boredom & be my new best friend, there's always my new dietary analysis software.

Rx for Humor

From the sublime to ridiculous . . .

all in one afternoon at the Army Hospital. This particular hospital has a huge Wounded Warrior care unit & you can not walk down one single corridor without poignant reminders that many servicemembers are making incredibly huge sacrifices.

While I was riding in the elevator & I couldn't help but butt into a very quick conversation (ok, I was too lazy to actually walk from the 5th to the 3rd floor & we all know it's difficult for me to keep my mouth shut) :

Woman #1: Oh, a Korea assignment?

Woman #2: Wow, is that supposed to be good or bad?

Me: I hear it can be great. It all depends on your attitude.

Soldier with a prosthetic leg: Yes, ma'am. Attitude is everything.

I couldn't agree more. Apparently, his is awesome & makes me proud of the individuals who serve in our military. And, humbled to share the same medical treatment facilities.

Afterwards, I got off the elevator & made my way over to the gynecology clinic. Just in case you didn't catch that transition, this is where I'll insert the ridiculous.

So, here I am (again) in stirrups staring at the ceiling.

At beautiful landscapes straight from Holland.

(As a matter of fact, I did take this picture. Keukenhof, May 2006)

Then I started cracking up . . .

And asked the intern and the chaperone (seriously, do I need an audience?!) if I was the only one who was amused by the TULIPS on the ceiling. Bwah-hahaha! Get it?

Two . . .

uh, never mind.

Ok, Savvy, shut. up. now. While you still have a chance for that Infertility Clinic referral. Keep talking & it's probably straight to Psychiatry for you.

Rise & Shine

I never cease to be amazed by the number of people who don't fully understand the concept of irony.

Irony is not merely coincidence, a recurring pattern or an off-the wall element of surprise. No, my friends, true irony has the potential to either be dramatically thought provoking or just down right humorous.

Because we all know I have great appreciation for the latter, allow me to offer this week's best example of situational irony.

Yesterday morning, I dragged (and I mean dragged) my very tired body out of my very comfy bed. Amazingly, I accomplished this feat bright & early at 8 AM on the very first day of Daylight Savings Time 2009. Just hours after the clock had sprung forward the required 60 minutes.

I then dragged my very tired & grumpy child out of her bed demanding that she hurry up. After all, we wouldn't want to be late for that 0h-nine-hundred birthday party, now would we?

Gulping down my go-cup of caffeinated iced tea, I willed my neurons to fire just enough to allow me to drive safely to the party.

At the movie theatre.

Where we watched:

SpendThrifty

I've recently alluded to the fact that I really do not like to shop. It's not the shopping itself that grates on my last nerve and exhausts me. But, I do not like crowds & I hate wandering around not knowing where anything is, not being familiar with the vast product selection here in the US & I really don't care to shop with my youngest. I'm also not a fan of retail prices.

I made a recent trip to the Double Decker Target (MiniMe made the observation that the "O" in Target is silent. That's not an "O" SweetPea, it a "target" symbol, but great job with those foniks.) In the picture below, I am exercising utmost patience. MiniMe doesn't want to be shopping and I don't really want to be shopping with her. I let her snap random pictures and run down the camera battery in an attempt to buy just enough peace and quiet to locate gender-neutral Valentines for her class.

And this is me just one "But, I'm tired! I wanna go home now! This is taking too long!" short of going momicidal on her. By the way, it helps reduce stress to pose for the camera & will momentarily distract small children.

Motherhood can be so attractive, huh?

And, here is a recent shopping trip of the divine kind. East Coast's LARGEST Thrift Shop & I went there all by my lonesome. My favorite thrift shop is still SubourbonHausFrau's Boutique in Brussels, but this one makes a decent substitution. The picture below is only showing part of the store.

Of course, it took me 90 minutes to look through most of the store, but I did score a few bargains. See why I need a job? I could go broke saving money in a place like this!

Random Thoughts

The parking spaces at IKEA are really roomy.

Potomac Mills Outlet Mall is really huge, but I purchased nothing.

Thankfully, there was a car in front of me. Otherwise, I would not have remembered to stop for the school bus.

I keep forgetting I can make a right turn on a red light.

But, I do keep slowing down and yielding right at every intersection. It totally annoys the locals.

There is large fridge in the basement that I've yet to use.

My upright freezer that was in storage is completely empty. I keep thinking how handy extra cold-storage would be for all my overseas friends.

The "Convenience Station" in the ladies' room was stocked with Tampons, Tylenol & Tattoos. What else could a PMS victim ever need?!

I really like all the corny daytime estrogen shows on TLC.

I think military Brats are the best kids ever. Ok, some of them are straight-up juvenile deliquents, but the good ones are worth their weight in gold. Their moms are awesome too!

I think I need to find some kind of job.

I do not want to teach anything to anybody.

I need to go back to school, but I'm not sure if I can make it happen until Texas.

I don't know who likes the in-the-door ice & water more: Me or MiniMe.

I am totally annoyed with TV & radio commercials. Especially the ones that repeat every 15 minutes. Or less.

$148 is outrageously expensive for the 2 minutes it took to open the locked door. But, I paid it. What else can you do when the moving truck is there & all doors are locked? I know, I know. Any one of the movers probably possessed the ability to B&E my house in about 10 seconds flat, but no one was admitting to squat. Or volunteered their services.

Our household goods are still at sea, but I am really ready for them to get here.

Traffic here is not as bad as I had expected.

I forgot how quickly I can knock out a week's worth of laundry.

I do not understand why the Ft. Belvoir commissary is bigger & has more selection than the Ramstein one. Overseas patrons (who can't run down the road to: Target, Walmart, Giant, Safeway, Costco, Trader Joe's, Etc.) need bigger facilities & more choices. Why is it the opposite?

Who knew my own personal hot tub could be so much fun?

I really like my new swimsuits. I had to order from Land's End because they actually make freak-of-nautre sizes. It was really cool that they just showed up on my front door step!

I'm amused with how chatty some of you can be on the comments.

I am ready for the Pilot to get here. It will save me about 2.5 hours of chauffeuring every day.

Two fold-out recling lawn chairs make for living room furniture.

I do not joke about double decker Targets!

Me, Myself & I

25 Random Thoughts About Me

1. I am the movie star of my life & I take that role very seriously.

2. I am way more introverted than most people would guess.

3. I get bored easily.

4. I totally heart iced tea . . . to the tune of 2 liters and 6 ice cube trays a day.

5. I believe that laughter is a gift.

6. I have absolutely no athletic ability or talent whatsoever.

7. I am not a morning person.

8. I am very good at remembering dates.

9. I am fascinated by people stories.

10. I absolutely prefer TV shows to movies.

11. I have never experiemented with any kind of illegal substance.

12. I always have my toenails painted.

13. I would rather have a potluck get together at my Haus than go to a nice restaurant.

14. I am blessed to have so many rock-star friends in my life.

15. I love me enough that I don't seek the approval from strangers and mere acquaintances.

16. I always giggle when 4 year olds tell me what they really think.

17. I believe that a gut feeling is God speaking.

18. I always prefer savory to sweet.

19. I despise raw tomatoes.

20. I am glad that I am on Earth now & not 100 years ago.

21. I am more liberal minded now than ever before.

22. I prefer to drive a car.

23. I am frequently awake during the night & don't sleep well.

24. I would rather be 37 than 17.

25. I hope I never know what it's like to be pregnant with 6 babies at 39 weeks.

And, for the bonus thought . . .

I found it a tad bit difficult to say 25 things about me that have nothing to do with Man or the Girls. But, I did. So there may still be hope for me yet.

PS. We are flying to DC tomorrow. So, unless something totally fun & exciting happens today, this is the final Bloggin' From Belgium entry. Watch out Virginia, we Rockin'Bauers are on our way . . .

Been There, Done That

With the largest chunk of our current PCS behind me, I had a few moments to actually do my MUTER homework well before the due date. Usually, I have no problem procrasting up until the last minute. But, for this particular deadline, we'll be flying over the Atlantic on our way to Virginia. And, while I think it's totally cool to blog on United Airlines, the reality is that I'll be traveling with MiniMe. I'll be doing good to just to catch an uninterrupted 15-20 minutes of an inflight movie.

1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain (but I have walked part way up one or two)
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo at a try-out
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched lightening at sea
14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice (but, I have been to Venice)
29. Seen a total eclipse (not sure . . . wasn't there something in the mid-80's?)
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run (Literally, no. Figuratively, yes!)
32. Been on a cruise (but don't get me started on the one I had to cancel!)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors (if they came from Western & Central Europe)

35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language (enough Deutsch to get around)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted (not painted but sketched with pastels in Paris)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (I've been up in the tower, but not to the top. The lines are always so long & I'm not even sure you can go all the way up.)
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain (maybe, but nothing that left a lasting impression)
53. Played in the mud (if walking muddy volksmarches counts, then yes!)
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason (does it count if I was there when they were purchased on the roadside?)
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London (I've seen the guards, not the changing)
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem (my answer would be yes, but not with the ongoing conflict)
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life (while this sounds good on the surface . . . not sure about the reality)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit (and it was very Judge Judy . . . )
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Rode an elephant (but I have ridden a camel)

OK, my friends, anyone surprised by my answers? I'm really not much of a daredevil & my answers make that painfully obvious. Especially that part about cavier. Sorry, it's the just the biology teacher in me that makes that gross.

Anything pique your interest & you desperately want details?

Want to make a comment about what you have done or wish to do?

If you haven't visited the White Haus yet, let me know. MiniMe is convinced that Sasha & Malia are going to be her new BFF's. I'll just call up Broccoli & First Frau to see if we can score an invite for dinner.

Maybe we can even round up enough people and get a game of Bunco going.

My Fine 2009

The MUTER assigned me to write about my 2009 New Year Resolutions more than 2 weeks ago, right smack-dab in the middle of my PCStressing. Several days later, smack-dab in the middle of shipping crates and cardboard boxes, I was also given a gentle written reminder to just complete the assignment already, will ya?

And, looky here. It's half way through the month of January and I'm just now getting around to even thinking about it. What, with the move and all, who has had time to coherently think about ways to affect positive change in my life for the upcoming months? Not me.

I only managed to squeak out a few moments to covertly slip a little vodka into the OJ. And, wash some laundry. So far, this New Year has been a blur of moving boxes, shopping carts full of crap I've consigned at SubourbonHausFrau's Boutique and mountains of frozen pizza.

Point taken. Should anyone need to make a few postive changes, it would be me.

OK, I have a little confession to make. I never actually make New Year Resolutions. Not that I am too good for them or have some lurking fear of Failure By February, it's just that January first has never really grabbed my attention.

Except for that one time waaaay back in 1992, my attention was completely captivated. Happy (2-Day HangOver) New Year to me. I did make a resolution right then and there. I was never going to drink another drop of ethanol ever again. Never. No way. Nuhn-uh.

Well, maybe just never drink gallons of wine coolers ever again that much.

Under those same circumstances.

Anyway, for this year, I'm totally on the American BandWagon & I will now present to you HausFrau's Top Five. Yeah, I know. I totally googled "most common New Year resolutions" and copied and pasted.

Number One: Lose Weight, Eat Healthier, Exercise. Do I actually have specific goals? Yep. Either lose weight or tone up enough that my jeans fit comfortably without muffin top & so my bra fits properly without bulging back fat oozing out and over the straps.

Or I could just buy some Spanx & call it even.

And, we do need to eat a little healthier than the frozen pizza, grilled cheeses & Chinese take-away that dominates our diet right now. I'll get back to sneaking incorporating more SuperFoods into our diet in Virginia.

Or maybe we could just put extra ketchup (cooked tomatoes= SuperFood) on our McD french fries.

Number Two: Get Debt Undercontrol, Save More, Spend Less. We only have vehicle payments & we are totally okay with that. My car will be paid off in 12 months & is financed at 1.9%. Not totally sure about Man's BatMobile, but it's not sinking us by any means. We can't exactly save more since we are big-fat kissing our big-fat Overseas Housing Allowance auf weidersehen, but we will continue to save as much as we can.

On the spend less . . . my motto is Resale Not Retail. Who knows? Maybe I can find Spanx in my size on Craig's List.

Number Three: Quit smoking & drinking. Smoking? Not an issue. Quit drinking? How about I modify this to Quit drinking before a hangover is inevitable? And, the clock starts now. Not last Saturday night when my friend Babs (Hi, Brook, I'll explain later!) forced me to drink copious amounts of 14% French red wine and eat dill pickles at midnight.

Number Four: Get Organized. I am totally cheating on this one. All 16 crates of my worldly possessions -- minus what's packed in the suitcases & the 3 crates that are in storage in Texas - but who's counting anyway? -- are all neatly boxed up, labeled & inventoried. Since I'm fairly organized anyway, maybe I should expand this one to include color coded & matching storage boxes for seasonal items and Man's Krap. I probably also need to attack the Texas crates with some HausFrau enthusiasm and get my own little list going with Craig.

Number Five: Find a Higher Paying Job. You mean like actually find a job in the first place? With a paycheck attached? Finding a job might not be the problem. Actually taking it . . . ? But if I did that, then who would flit around the Haus in heels & pearls, sporting a feather duster & attack my dust bunnies? And, praytell, who would serve perfectly prepared pot roast & all the appropriate side dishes at 6 o'clock on the dot every night? And,more importantly, who would keep up with my blogging & Facebooking?!

There you have it, my friends. With the help of the Internet, I quickly pounded out 5 resolutions with very little effort. And, what's more, keeping up with them should be no problem.

I just need Spanx & ketchup, my new favortie resale shop, single serving bottles of wine, colored Rubbermaid storage containers and Internet access (for finding a job).

We should have a party at my Haus and celebrate my resolutions.

I'll provide the wine. You bring the pickles.

Temporary Schloss

We made it out of the Haus this week and into the hotel-apartment as we begin Phase 2 of the Move to DC. I don't want to mislead anyone, so let me be very clear about this: we aren't actually living in a hotel room. We have an apartment & it happens to be a very nice, complete with Internet access, full kitchen & digital cable.

But we are so spoiled & accustomed to living a life of luxury (I know, I know, just another middle class sob story) that a 1000 sq ft, 2 bedroom, 1 bath apartment, complete with Internet access, full kitchen & digital cable is a big step down for us.

First of all . . . sharing the laptop. All 4 of us?! We were having problems juggling two computers before. Man needs his time to continue to look for a job (I know, I know, at this point it's an addiciton, but if he can fanagle a follow-on Germany assignment, who am I to judge?) & check the news & weather in San Antonio (I know, I know . . .). MiniMe needs her computer time to play Webkinz & Littlest Pet Shop (so they don't die! & yes, I'd like to have a little face-to-face with whomever told her that these particular virtual pets even possess the ability to kick the bucket) and Laze-E who must have proper access to iTunes.

And, me. I need to listen to AOL Awesome 80's, FaceBook & Blog pay bills & search for dinner recipes.

So here we are a the temporary location of Schloss Rockin'Bauer. We were here a whoppinh 15 minutes & everyone immediately got down to business fulfilling our stereotypical roles.

Man's main task was to get the Vonage phone & Internet up and running as quickly as possible. MiniMe's job was to sit quietly on the couch and watch Fairly Odd Parents in Dutch so that we could get the technology situated.

Laze-E immediately started complaining about having to share a room with her sister & they both proceeded to fight over who was going to sleep on which bed. Once you pull out the trundle & pop it up, the beds are the exact same. They were arguing over which wall they wanted to sleep against. Hey, don't accuse my kids of not sweating the small stuff.

Laze-E did take time out from the bitching to strike a pose for me. She's smart enough to know that if she's going to throw a temper tantrum that the photographic evidence may very well be blog-worthy.

When 6 o'clock pm rolled around it was adult TV time (Everybody Hates Chris, According to Jim & Friends - in English) & we booted MiniMe to our bedroom to watch a library movie on the portable DVD player. There's only so much kid-TV we can tolerate. Especially when it's in Dutch.


Once Laze-E claimed her space, it took her all of about, oh, 34 seconds to trash the room out. Here she is yakking on the phone with TGirl, listening to her iPod & staying out of trouble - for this one brief moment in time.

At least I think she was staying out of trouble . . .

Where am I? Behind the camera, silly. I think I mentioned something about sterotypical jobs around the Haus.

That, and I immediately got down to the business of FaceBooking & Blogging vacuuming, scrubbing toilets & cooking dinner.

Hey, we don't call me HausFrau for nothing.

Not in Kansas Anymore, or Germany

This Friday I'm flashing all the way back to this exact same time last year. We had just moved from HoTown to Brussels & were living in the exact same hotel-apartment we are now. It's like déjà vu all over again.

This time period was back before I started blogging. At the time I would just type up the equivalent of a blog publication and send it by email to some of my friends. I can't put my fingers on the exact email I sent because the laptop I was using then is now garbage. But I will try to recreate the frustration and insanity of my first Aldi shopping trip in Belgium.

Remember we had just moved from Germany where we had lived quite happily for over 5 years total. Although we were still in Europe and in a country bordering Germany, our first few days in Belgium were an adjustment (heck, this whole year has been an adjustment). We were now in a big city with major traffic after having spent 12 months in the middle of farmland. We all joked about a Bavarian Traffic Stau being 5 cars lined up behind tractor. A Brussels traffic jam means 1000's of cars and it might take 90 mintues to drive 10 miles.

I also remember having a few OMG Moments in the local stores where I was wide-eyed & gaped-mouth over the prices. $12 for a small container of icecream sticks out as a prime example of the incredible cost of living here. Because the only commissary in Belgium was an hour away, I was very happy to finally locate an Aldi - in the Flemish speaking side of town.

So, off to Aldi I go.

With my rather lengthy grocery list.

And, with my little sidekick, MiniMe.

I was ready not only with my list, but also with my shopping bags/baskets & cold hard Euro cash. I even had a one Euro coin to secure myself a shopping cart.

Like I said, I was ready. And, I thought I knew what I was doing.

MiniMe and I walked up and down every aisle buying stuff we knew we needed & local products that were just too cool to pass up - like individual crème brûlée desserts. The store was insanely busy and we were dodging the locals at every turn. I'm talking elbowing my way to the lunchmeat.

By the time the cart was filled up, I was beyond done shopping. I headed toward one of three lines & waited & waited & waited in an incredibly long line for our turn with the cashier.

Finally, I loaded all our stuff on the conveyor belt & I could see the end of this shopping trip in sight.

Hallelujah!

And, not a moment too soon because MiniMe had long been done with shopping & dodging the locals. We all know that "done with shopping" entailed a lot of whining & griping about wanting to go home immediately. Because I was distracted by the little darling, I didn't pay too much attention to the Cashier Dude and he ended up scanning 5 items of my stuff on the lady's ticket ahead of me.

Now, in the States, this would have been no problem. Cashier Dude could have just credited the lady in front of me & she would have been on her happy way.

But, not here. Cashiers here (at least at Aldi) can't do anything except scan items. Über-Important Midmanagement Lady with the register key had to be paged to fix this little SNAFU. She took for-freaking-ever to mosey up to the front & in the meantime, all those Belgians behind me were slightly irriated at having to wait longer for their turn. I'm sure the fact that I hail from the Good Ol' US of A didn't help my popularity either. To ice the cake, the lady ahead of me was peeved that I was slowing her down too.

Sorry, Folks, it wasn't actually me who got all scan happy with the barcode reader. Eventually, Important Key Lady fixed the problem & the lady in front of me was on her merry way.

Thankfully.

With SNAFU #1 behind us, Cashier Dude starting ringing up my groceries on my ticket. It was wonderful because I knew that we were just about ready to leave to store, get out of the public & go home for dinner.

Again . . . Hallelujah!

He rang and rang and rang up my items and presented me with a grand total. It was 50-something Euros, if memory serves me correctly. And, that's a lot of stuff for an Aldi shopping trip.

I quieted MiniMe's complaining long enough to grab cash out of my purse & presented it to Cashier Dude.

Viola!

He looks at me like I am a total idiot & proceeds to tell me something in French.

Uh . . . huh? English . . . ?

Oh, do I have a card, you ask?

I have a MasterCard. Will that work?

Non.

Oh, crap. I managed to get in the one line that takes only a special kind of bank card.

Which I did not have.

So Cashier Dude had to call Key Lady (who was still moving at turtle speed) back again & he had to UN-ring every freakin' thing one item at a time. At this point, the natives in line behind me were losing their charm, what little charm they possessed in the first place. They knew they were in the card only line and had their cards ready to rock-n-roll.

MiniMe's charm had long since faded and she was bordering on hissy fit.

Cashier Dude looked down his nose at me and pointed to the line that I needed to now wait in. The very, very long line that actually took cash.

I really, really wanted to just scream, throw a temper fit & leave the store. But that shopping trip had taken forever already & I didn't have any other plan for purchasing the badly needed groceries.

So, I attempted to silence MiniMe's loud protests that we already checked-out and I want to go home riiiighhhtttt noooooow!

Everyone in the store hated me for causing so many problems & I now hated all of them because they are very unsympathic about my not speaking French and/or reading Flemish. Make up your minds people. Pick a language and stick with it.

But I needed the groceries and was determined to get them one way or the other. So MiniMe and I waited in line - again. I flatout refused to make eye contact with anyone.

There. That would show them.

While standing there trying to figure out what went wrong, I noticed a sign that said Bank Card Enkel. There it was my friends, the first Flemish work I learned. Enkel means only. But who knew to look for a stupid sign anyway? Especially in the cluster-F that was the front of the store.

Then I started missing Germany because I know enough of that language not to end up in a card-only line.

Oh, wait! Germans don't do that. You can pay with cash in every freakin' line & that's what they actually prefer.

But, we aren't in Germany anymore and as far as I am concerned, not near enough to the border either.

Anyway, eventually, I successfully made it through the check-out line & back to the hotel. Knowing now why ex-pats with less chutzpah just want to climb back aboard an American Airlines flight headed for anywhere Stateside.

Because my family keeps eating dinner every night, several weeks later, I found myself shopping at Aldi again. This time, I two missions. 1) get in and get out as quickly as humanly possibly and 2) avoid Cashier Dude. I did manage to shop quickly, but that's as far as the HausFrau luck carried me. Cashier Dude was the only person working the only register that was open. I'm quite sure he remembered me & my fiasco of a shopping trip because he continue to look down at me with all the French-speaking snottiness he could muster.

Whatever!

Dude. You work at a low-end, el cheapo grocery store. And, you aren't even important enough to sport a key to the register that you operate. And, what's more. When the store is crazy-busy, Midmanagement puts you the card only register where you don't even have to handle cash under pressure.

It was at that moment I decided to take back my power & show a little HausFrau tude. I named the Dude Skippy (thanks, WonderWoman, for the idea) & vowed right then and there that any time he was working the cash line, I'd be in it.

Hey, Skippers. How's it going today? Long time, no see.

Hey, Skippity Do-Dah! I see you are on the Card Only line. Catch ya next time, 'kay?

Toodles, Skippy. Have a good weekend. (insert finger wave)

Hey, Skip. Do you have the key today? No? Well, better luck next time.

Bon jour, Skippy. I see they have you stocking tampons today. That bites.

Let me tell you folks, since I've decided to be the resident pain-in-the-butt at the Aldi, I've had a blast shopping. Now it's Skippy running from me & not the other way around.

I've also decided that Skippy should hook up with the stuck-up girls who work at the cosmetics counters. Hello?! You are selling make-up at a department store or worse . . . the PX. Since when is that job anywhere near the higher end of desirable jobs?

Puh-lease. Do you really think you are über-special with all that lipstick, zit cream & oodles of cover-up?

Probably.

Wow. I wish I could compete with you, LipstickChick, and your cashier buddy, Skippy.

I'm just not sure how my awesome personality, master's degree, amazing toilet scrubbing ability and HausFrau Blog would stack up against those high-fah-luting careers you've chosen.

Happy Belated New Year

I've been mulling over how to begin the brand-spanking New Year on the blog & wanted to do something grand for the first day of January. I had lofty ambitions of making inspiring New Year's Resolutions & promising to blog something totally hysterical everyday.

However, in light of a big move hanging over my head, I decided to keep it real (publish when I'm properly inspired) & stick to the Bitch Blogging.

At least for the next few days until the boxes are crated & we are living in the hotel apartment.

This post should serve as the Great Equalizer & make you feel really good about how you spent the first day of 2009. If we accomplished nothing else, I'm sure we are making many of you feel glamorous by comparison.

Yesterday, while I was not blogging, MiniMe demanded that I drag out my camera & take this staged shot of her. She told me that what she was doing needed to go on my blog & don't worry, Mom, I'll even tell you what to say. Great idea! I've been so scatterbrained lately that someone coming up with blog ideas, complete with pictures & words, might help me keep things moving right along & my readers happy.

Stay tuned, folks, with that kind of enthusiasm, it won't be long until MiniMe will be taking BlogSpot by storm.

Yes, my friends, in the picture below she is drawing on packing paper - leftover from the last move that was, oh, not quite 12 months ago. And, she did manage to sorta kinda get dressed. Black velour skirt, pink PJ top & a tiara. That counts as dressed, right?

I spent an incredible amount of time in the kitchen trying to diminish the massive food supply around here. I made wheat bread, banana pancakes, apple oatmeal muffins & cherry-amaretto oatmeal cookies & used up the rest of the flour, brown sugar, oatmeal, cherries & made a decent dent in a mostly full jar of wheat germ.

See? I have no shame. I'm wearing no make-up, ratty clothes & this is my PCStressed smile. Not pretty, but it works well for the Bitch Blogging. And, don't you feel like a Movie Star by comparison?

You're very Welcome. That's what I'm here for.

Man spent the majority of his day on the couch recovering from a silly little cold the ManFlu. He's also taking the ratty clothes & no make-up thing quite seriously.


Last, but certainly not least, Laze-E is also going sans make-up, but she had the nerve to one-up me & is wearing her nicest pair of Consignment Shop jeans. I decided to let her have computer privileges back after 3 weeks of restriction.

Don't ask. You know she did something stupid, got caught and needed a time-out to think about the errors of her ways.

No, I can't remember exactly what she did, but I sure hope she learned her lesson.

Whatever it was.

Maybe, just maybe, she even made a lofty & inspiring New Year's Resolution promising to never do it again.

Dear Santa

Fum MiniMe
Two Santa

1 cat wabkinz
little pats
babe dl
scoter
doggie wabkinz
mak up set
princess outfit
teta
"High School Musical Barbies"







*************************************************
Dear Santa:

I've been mostly good this year.
For Christmas, will you please consider bringing the following:

Clothes, Jewelry, Anything Cheap
Friendship necklace
Bras, Starbucks
Something Crazy/Loud
Water Balloons
iTunes gift card
Swap Flowers
Twilight Stuff
Sugar Cookies :O)
Hooker heels - 6
Slutty Girls, Dr. Pepper
2 X thongs, Candy Phone
Paper Money, Socks & Ding Dongs

And, a sleepover with TGirl this weekend.

Tell the Reindeer that I said "Hi". Love, Laze-E
**********************************************************
Dear Santa:

Hey, I know that we are both super busy. I'm a HausFrau, you are Santa. Need I say more? I'll make this easy on both of us. How about two pink EPT lines for Christmas? And, I'll see if Man can cover you on that iTouch.

Gotta Run, ~Savvy
**********************************************************
Dear St. Nick:

Hey, Big Guy. I know that you are almost as busy as my Frau, so I'll make this simple. One pink line is just fine & dandy with me. And, I'll buy her that stupid iTouch for her birthday. If nothing else, just so I quit hearing about it.

Really, just one, OK? ~Man
**********************************************************
Dear Santa:

For Christmas I would really like for you to bring me my wife (CoopaChick) three brand new boob-tops. Not that I necessarily want her driving around topless in the Coopa flashing her über-boobs to Herman The German, but, Dude, you are a guy (you are, aren't you?) & you understand my need to see a little action.

Even if it's just on a few blurry pixels on my Facebook occasionally.

I'll leave the size issue up to you since you, especially since I screwed up that donkey hair sweater from Bosnia that one time.

I promise to be a good boy this next year too while in Iraq.

Just 3 boob-tops that's all I asking.

Okay, maybe 4 or 5 if you think I've been that good. I mean, it's not like I'm asking for a pony or anything. And, you know, boob-tops with those plunging necklines take up way less room on the sleigh than a pony, a regular shirt or even a turtleneck.

Have you seen how much fabric are in one of those bad boys?

It's almost as much as the donkey sweater.

I don't mean to beg, but I'm feeling a little desperate here. If you can't figure out this boob-top thing, I'm not sure how I'll make it through the rest of my training & the deployment.

OK, Santa, I know you are busy, but if you could just help a guy out here, I'd be mucho grateful. I even promise not to fight you for the milk & cookies on the 24th.

Merry Christmas to you! (& hopefully a Ho-Ho-Ho to me!)

Dan the CoopaMan
*************************************************************
Dear Santa:

I'd like to amend my wish-list. Still one pink line & 3 more new boob-tops for me the Frau. Ho, Ho, Ho Boy!

~Man
*************************************************************
Dear Santa:

All I want for Christmas is World Peace.

However, on the boob-tops, I look really good in blues & greens. Maybe a little red & black to keep it interesting because that would look so awesome with my gray Coopa!

Mwah! ~CoopaChick
*******************************************************************

***********************************************************
Dear Santa:

3 new boob-tops would work for me. Remember, two pink lines will help me fill them out quite nicely.

Oh yeah, and World Peace. Don't want to sound selfish or anything.

~Savvy
************************************************************
Dear Santa:

Did someone mention boob-tops?! I completely forgot to add those to my list! They will look lovely with the new hooker heels, bras & thongs. Don't forget the Dr. Pepper.

Love, ~Laze-E XXOOX
************************************************************
Dear Santa:

Clothes, jewelry & anything cheap. Those were the Top 3 on Laze-E's wish list. Cheap as in Consignment Shop, not as in Debbie Does Dallas, OK?

Thanks, Santa, you are the best! ~Savvy
*************************************************************
Dear Santa:

Did I hear someone mention a PONY?! Please, please, please!

I'll be good forever! ~MiniMe

Flashback to 1975

I'm calling this new venture of mine Friday Flashback. My goal is to give you snippets of my past every Friday. Of course, I will totally edit & embellish every memory to serve my own selfish purposes. Don't we all?

For my first Flashback, I am sharing with you some Christmas Eve pictures from 1975. I had just turned 4 years old a few days before. Because my parents were divorced, I always spent Christmas Eve "with my Dad" at my Nanny's house. These pictures were taken in her den, a converted 2-car garage. Notice new the gold-orange-brown mingled shag carpet.

I realize the pictures are totally retro & a bit blurry, but yes, those are panties & a doll. Little did I know at the time that, 30 years & two kids later, I would be blogging about thong underwear & Rosie the Barbie.

It's either called foreshadowing or self-fulfilling prophecy.

I just haven't quite decided which.