Sinners and Saints

It's VBS week at our community chapel.

I could almost stop with that one sentence, couldn't I?

Some of you might even get it. My friend in Hohenfels (Hi Laura!) said that VBS would definitely give me something to blog about & I wouldn't want to disappoint her. So, here goes:

Last month I experienced a rare moment of insanity practically jumped up and down, wildly waved my arms & said Pick Me! Pick Me! I'll help out with VBS. And, before I completely thought through what I was saying,

Let me know what you need me to do.

came flying out of my mouth.

What I really meant was that I would help out with crafts, bake cupcakes, or sweep floors. You know, all that HausFrau stuff that I'm really good at. I was even thinking along the lines of kinder crowd control, registration, or helping feed everyone.

What they needed me to do was the Story Time center, and being that I am the Story Time lady at the library, that was the obvious best choice for me.

OK, they needed me.

So I agreed.

And 4 days into VBS, everything is going fair well. But,

I must confess.

They are driving me to drink.

No, not the kids. Although, it's probably a very good thing that tonight is the finale, because the K-1 class that MiniMe is in is about to get the better of me. First of all, I don't do kindergarteners. And, second of all, I don't do first graders. So, needless to say, I'm just about done with the combined K-1 class. But, they are just children and some of them are really beauti-cute & adorable, so it's not all bad. Just very loud & noisy with lots of pinging & raw energy. Not to mention that it's been hotter than hell a very warm upper 80s all week which just makes me everyone sticky, sweaty, puffy, bloated, swollen, stinky & cranky.

The kids are just being kids. So, who's pushing me straight down the Autobahn to Margaritaville, you might ask?

Well, let me tell you.

It's a few of the holier-than-me Christians who are literally glowing with angelic glory of their perfectly straight halos & their syrupy goodness. I swear, you can almost hear the Hallelujah! Chorus in the background & see rays of sunshine beaming down from Heaven emphasizing their self-proclaimed perfection.

I find it all very nauseating.

There's one particular woman who is trying my patience more than Little Johnny & his buddies in the Kindy class. She, like me, volunteered to help out with VBS. Unlike me, she specifically requested Story Time because that's her calling. I think I ended up in charge of Story Time because people running VBS know me & I could actually show up all 5 days without transportation and getting on-post issues. She couldn't.

Maybe? I'm not really sure. All I know is that job assignments were not determined by a Halo Competition. Had that been the case, I definitely would have been on Floor Sweeping or Toilet Scrubbing Duty.

Certainly not Bible Story Time.

The point is that I have spent more time with GloryWoman than I would have preferred. And, I've suffered through many stories about how perfectly Christian and perfect her life is. All unsolicited, I might add. Apparently, she's confused by my job as Bible Story Lady. I think she thinks I'm a little more hard core qualified than I am & more like her. Obviously she doesn't realize that I wasn't valedvictorian of Halo 101 Class.

Let's see . . . in junior high, she went to church camp and has a crush on this one particular boy. Because she felt so strongly about him and wanted to be faithful to him, she didn't look at any of the other boys. HausFrau's opinion: obviously, this boy wanted nothing to do with her at all, or she might have been singing a different tune. To paraphrase, she said something about God having a plan for her and protecting her, even then, from all boy related sins.

My eyes actually hurt a little bit because they involuntarily rolled way up in the back of my head. Thankfully, they didn't get stuck that way.

I don't think she would appreciate my Little Blue Notebook. And, who said there was anything wrong with sucking face at church camp? Right, Tammy?

So, she escaped Christian School unscathed by boy sins, then met her husband in missionary school. Married him, then had perfect kids, first a boy, then a girl. Now they do missionary work here in Brussels. I guess Belgium has such a great need for missionaries. I mean a whopping 8% or so of the population is not either Catholic or Lutheran. But, that's neither here nor there.

Once I got the DL on the history of her perfect life, she proceeded to give me a running commentary on her transportation to VBS. I have to hear all about how she's having to catch a ride with another family, where the mom is running from a childhood of Roman Catholicism & is only bringing her kids for the 3 hours of free daycare - oh, the nerve of some people. And, these kids of the CradleCatholic mom say all kinds of horrible things like, and I quote, H-E-double-hockey sticks.

I came thisclose to saying oh, you mean "hell"? Instead, I minded my manners, striaghtened my halo ignored its few dings & agreed that kids should not be cussing like sailors. Seriously, I do agree. Afterall, I've reminded MiniMe several times that it's not appropriate for her to say what the hell? even though she may hear Man other people say it.

GloryWoman actually moved her daughter from the K-1 class to the PreK class to get her away from the sinner kids like MiniMe. Her reasoning was that certain sins are ok for her kids, but others like saying H-E-double-hockey-sticks, aren't.

Wha . . . Huh?

Seriously, you can't protect your precious little saints from those loser sinner kids unless you never let them leave the house. Like it or not, even the the Rockin'Bauer girls loser sinner kids show up to VBS. Isn't that what it's all about anyway? Spreading the Word? Giving it to people who need it? It's not supposed to be just a love-fest for Halo Brigade.

And, don't get me started about which sins are ok for her kids and which ones aren't. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that line of thinking. But, I'm fairly sure that whatever sins her kids are committing are much, much less offensive that the ones plaguing everyone else's kids.

While I was recovering from an overdose GloryWoman's perfection, another perfect mom pipes up about the horrible language her child picked up from other loser sinner kids at school. You know what was so bad?

Her child got angry at her and said I'm going to sue you!

She had no clue why he would repeat such language knowing that it was wrong and he was going to get into trouble.

Wow. On the Rockin'Bauer Richter Scale of Profanity that wouldn't have even made the needle quiver, much less move - at all. Being the loser sinner mom that I am, I might have even taken it as a sign that someone might be going to Law School someday. But, hey, that's just me.

I've only got to endure about 3 more hours of this polished perfection crap, depending on when everyone shows up tonight. Hopefully, I have about another 4 hours of perserverance left before something smartass or sarcastic speweth forth from mine mouth.

I really don't think the majority of the adults participating in VBS are competing for Gold in the Holier-Than-Thou Olympics. I think most are just doing the best they can, on a day-to-day basis. At least, I hope that's the case. If not, I'll be looking for a new crowd to hang out with . . .

If anyone knows where First Saint Christian Bible Church of the Perpetual Sinners meets, let me know. Maybe they offer a Happy Hour Bible Study. I'd be all over that.

Anyone else's interest piqued by A Margarita and A Miracle? If so, we'll meet at my Haus tonight after VBS. Bring the tequila. I've got salt and limes. And, a bible . . . around here somewhere.