Happy Halloween

One beautiful princess costume with matching crown & earrings: $20

One sassy witch's costume created with Goodwill finds and
odds & ends from around the Haus: $5

One medieval princess costume from Goodwill: $5

One Freakish My Size Barbie Rosie: $2

Skunk costume from the Consignment Shop: $4

Pumpkins, 9 cents a pound: $1.62 total

Lots & lots of candy: $50

One Pimped out Pilot for the Trunk or Treat
odds & ends from the Haus: $0
orange & black streamers: $4

Dodging the camera (Man who?): cheap trick

Winning 2nd Place (HausFrau) in Trunk Decorating Contest: $75

Winning 1st Prize (Laze-E) in the Pumpkin Carving Contest: $15

Winning 2nd Prize (MiniMe) in the Pumpkin Carving Contest: $10

Having a total blast for Halloween: Priceless

Kindergarten Politics

MiniMe piped up this evening and informed me that there are two guys running for president because they both want George Washington's old job. Then she told me that she voted today for the Broccoli Bama guy.

Me: Oh, that's nice. Why did you chose him?

MiniMe: Because I like him.

Me: Well, why do you like him?

MiniMe: Because he likes children.

Me: How do you know he likes children.

MiniMe: Because he just does.

Me: Why didn't you vote for the other guy, John McCain.

MiniMe: Because he's old.

I pondered this conversation for a minute & wondered how many adults were choosing their candidate based on this same kind of logic. Then I decided it was probably quite a few.

And, I still really wanted to know why MiniMe was convinced that Broccoli Bama likes children, especially since our Haus is not a hotbed of political discussions. I got my answer when I sorted through her homework folder:

This was on the inside of her Weekly Reader. Honestly, if you were five, who would you chose for president? The serious old guy shaking students' hands or the smiling guy who is hugging the little boy?

Visual propaganda just claimed another victim. My child.

The one who doesn't even like broccoli.

Eat Your Veggies

Yesterday, I innocently purchased a bag of carrots because I wanted to make a veggie tray with dip for Laze-E's Halloween Party. No way could I, in good conscience, serve up copious amounts of food porn junk without at least offering something healthy on the side.

Much to my chagrin surprise, my friend who was helping me assemble the veggie tray, found this big ol' thing hiding out in the carrot bag.

So, what's a HausFrau to do when Big Guy crashes the party?

Why, she serves up that Bad Boy with some dill-dip.

And, laughs with her friend at the hilariousness of the situation.

No. We don't drink.

Much.

Ask AOL

Uh, My name is HausFrau and I, um, I do not own an iPod.

Oh, I own all sorts of other techno gadgets, including 3 GPS devices. But, sadly, no handy-dandy little music thingy. I've thought about purchasing one, but it's never been a big enough of a want to actually decide which one I want and what color.

I have a feeling that if I actually got off my duff and headed to the gym more frequently than bi-annually, owning an iPod might actually work its way a little higher on my wish list. As it is now, each of our vehicles has an ample supply of CD's worth listening to & on those rare occasions when I am in front of the computer, AOL Radio is my preference.

Specifically, the Awesome 80's.

When I am not in front of the computer or driving merrily along, I have two Kinder & a household to run and can't be prissing around oblivious to every Mooooommmmmm! because of earbuds.

Well, on second thought, now that I write that out in black & white, earbuds are sounding like a great idea.

So, what's a HausFrau to do when a fellow teen aged blogger passes along an iPod writing assignment? The objective is to turn on my iPod, which I've now decided would be a iTouch, preferably purple, enable the shuffle mode & let random song titles answer a series of questions.

In absence of an Apple song shuffler, I've opted to let AOL 80's do the work for me, since that's what would be pumping into my earbuds - if I had any.

I will be completing this task without any cheating or manually shuffling of songs or skipping over the duds to satisfy some ulterior motive to be entertaining or witty, I do solemnly swear.

This promises to be fun & very reminiscent of asking the Magic 8-Ball if there will ever be a snowball's chance of dating Kirk Cameron. Or, a young Tom Cruise. So, here goes:

How does the world see me?
Dr. Feelgood (by Mötley Crüe)

Man could have told you that one. But, he's typically not one to kiss-n-tell.

How will my future life be?
Every Breath You Take (by The Police)

Oh, I get it. Breathing is usually very important for all future endeavors. Thankfully, Take My Breath Away didn't pop-up on there. Oh, but isn't Top Gun like one of the best movies ever?

What should I do with my life?
Lay Your Hands On Me (by Thompson Twins)

Well, I suppose there is more to life than scrubbing toilets & sweeping floors.
(wink, wink)

How will I be remembered?
Making Love Out of Nothing at All (by Air Supply)

What's up with all these sexual innuendos? I can also make dinner out of practically nothing at all. Man is such a lucky duck.

What is my current theme song?
Cars (by Gary Numan)

And, Life is a Highway. So, Drivers, start your engines.

What is my signature dance song?
What About Me (by Moving Pictures)

Hey, if it's my signature song, I'm assuming it's all about me. And, it's my blog, so it all about me, all the time.

What will be played at my funeral?
Hungry Eyes (by Eric Carmen)

What??

What will my week be like?
Pour Some Sugar on Me (by Def Leppard)

Well, my friends, it is Halloween week and there will be plenty of candy to go around. That. And, Man is flying back to Europe on Wednesday.

What is some good advice for me?
Whip It (by Devo)

Again with the innuendos? This is absolutely amusing, is it not?

What did the world sing when I was born?
Rock You Like a Hurricane (by Scorpions)

Hey, that's sounds like way more fun than Rock-A-Bye Baby.

Now, it's your turn. I know, you actually own an iPod & can do the whole shuffle thing. I'll be anxiously stalking your MySpace to see your answers.

I bet the other bloggers over at the MUTER all own iPods.

Report Cards are Easier

HausFrau’s Electronic Journal

23 October 2008, 8:23:15 AM
Rough Draft of Letter to Teacher word.doc

Dear Miss D:

Do you really not like me? Or would loathe be a better way to put it? Either way, what did I ever do to deserve this?

You just hate me, don’t you? This wouldn’t have anything to do with the Autumn Fest vs. Halloween smackdown, would it? If so, let’s just let bygones by byones, OK? If nothing else for the sake of the children.

Yes, I realize that all elementary parents need to meet one-on-one with their child’s teacher to discuss how wonderfully they are progressing, both socially & academically. But, come on. Do we have to have this little mandatory tête-à-tête so early in the freaking morning? 0830? Are you kidding me?

You must have me confused with some WorkingMama who actually has purpose outside of tending to children and scrubbing toilets. If I actually had one of them fancy-pants paying jobs, I would be thrilled to meet you during this scheduled time. I could drop by your classroom right before work, cut my lunch hour short by 15 minutes & still manage to put in a very productive 8 hour work day & be rewarded with both money and benefits.

However, I am just an unemployed stay-at-home mom & HausFrau without one of those job thingies. What this means for you? If there’s no bus to catch at 0725 in the AM, then I have very little motivation to drag my insomniac butt out of bed. Also, I have very little charm at that hour of the day & Mr. Rockin’Bauer will be more than happy to swear to this in a court of law. You really don't want to go there.

You may also be unaware, but traffic at that time of day is a bitch atrocious & to be avoided at all costs. Seriously, it would take me 30-45 minutes to drive the 3 miles to the school. That would be pleasant on so many levels.

Essentially what you are asking of me is to get up insanely early on a non-school day, fight idiotic kamikaze drivers to discuss with you MiniMe’s academic progress & classroom performance.

And, I am assuming you would like for me to be all happy & chipper during this meeting because your job is tough with those 10 students you have and the last thing you need is for parents to be cantankerous for no good reason.

Let me take a stab at the parent-teacher conference we will have:

You'll tell me that MiniMe is very bright & learns new tasks with ease. She is also very artistic as demonstrated by her free hand drawings in class and projects in Art class.

I will have to concur.

You will then tell me that she needs improvement in the following areas: she talks way too much and is very pushy to get her way, both with other children & adults. She can be determined & enthusiastic when she has a point to make. As she often does.

Again, I will concur.

You might also mention that she’s been crying during class, but I will then I will be forced to mention that you frequently yell at speak harshly to small children, and do you really want to go there at such an incredibly early hour with an über-cranky, Oprah-watching, bon-bon eating, former-teacher HausFrau?

Didn't think so.

Oh, does that last part sound a bit harsh? Sorry, I didn’t mean to write that. You see, I’m blogging journaling all this before 1000 AM. At this hour, I can manage sarcasm, not saccharine sentiments. So, how about we change the conference time until oh, let’s say 1300 – right after lunch? I’m usually in a much better mood with a little food & caffeine on board.

Better yet. Let's make it after 1700. I can be in a really upbeat & happy during Happy Hour. Also, I have some very effective strategies for coping with small children that I can share with you during this time. Do you think you would prefer a red strategy, or a blush, or a white?

Sincerely, Frau Rockin'Bauer

**************************************************************************

Date: 10/23/2008 10:17:38 AM W. European Standard Time
From: savvyhausfrau@aol.com
To: ITeachKindy@dodds.net
Subject: Request a Conference Time Change

Dear Miss D:

I am so excited to meet with you next week to discuss MiniMe’s above average progress in your class. I cannot believe that the first quarter has flown by so quickly! As anxious as I am to visit with you, I will be unable to meet with you at such an insanely early hour! during my assigned time of 0830 on 6 November 2008.

I have some on-line shopping to do a very important Acquisitioning meeting to attend during that morning. Afterwards, I'm scheduled for a relaxing working lunch with Man my boss & won’t be available until later in the afternoon. Anytime after 1400 works for me.

If there is still a scheduling conflict, please call my cell phone after 1000 AM administrative assistant & she’ll be happy to work with you finding a time that is perfect for both of us busy working ladies.

Thanks for all you do. MiniMe is really enjoying center time & hot lunch your class.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Rockin’Bauer
CEO HausFrau, Inc.

Bottled Happiness

Man jet sets off to San Antonio & is staying in a great hotel right on the River Walk. This week he'll be dining on the best Tex-Mex that either Texas or Mexico has to offer & be kickin' back a few 'ritas. All expenses (excpet for the 'ritas) paid for by his real job.

Me?

I'll just open a bottle of Moselland Spätburngunder-Dornfelder from Deutschland.

I think that just about evens the score. Cheers, Babe.

Savvy Savings

If you are looking for ways to save money this Halloween without sacrificing any of the fun or thrills, I have just the solution for your outdoor decorating needs. I call it:

HausFrau's Haunted Horticulture

Go green with this totally recycled backdrop for your next Spooky Shindig. Aluminum tub was saved from a landfill when purchased secondhand at a local Belgian consignment shop. By neglecting summer annuals for months on end, this earthy, crunchy look can easily achieved. Yes, most folks need to look twice to realize that these Boo-tiful Blossoms are really summer zinnias & petunias in disguise! Pumpkins add a perfect splash of color & can later be repurposed into jack-o-lanterns.

By saving beaucoup on my decorating budget, I can now afford to buy massive amounts of candy to eat during the next two weeks while the kids are at school to give to the children at Trunk-or-Treat.

It's a wife. It's a mom. It's SuperFrau!

Once up on a time, there was a spectacular HausFrau who was married to an awesome Man. She had two incredibly wonderful children and they all lived like royalty at Schloss Rockin'Bauer.

For those unfamiliar with the intricate details of HausFrau's life, it might be assumed that she was just an average HausFrau, cooking & cleaning for the greater good of her family. Yes, HausFrau cooked and cleaned, but she also frequently demonstrated superhuman abilities when faced with the most frightful of situations.

Or, the most mundane of tasks.

Because Man traveled life's road with HausFrau, he was very familiar with her amazing abilities. Together they walked 100's of miles through forrests, along rivers, past the corn & wheat fields, around churches, in the snow, in the rain, without breaking a sweat & with Kinder in tow.

Always with the Kinder. Who always whined, complained, cried, stomped & pouted because they were forever tired, hungry, thristy, had to pee, couldn't go any farther or insisted on being carried even though they were riding in a jogging stroller at the time. It was painfully obviously, their super abilities were still being developed.

In the face of all this, HausFrau possessed utmost patience tolerance all in the name of soaking up local culture. And, burning enough calories to eat bratwurst or two with pommes frites & beer guilt-free. Her children are a testiment to her tolerance as they are still around to tell about it. And, to whine, complain, cry, stomp and pout as the situation warrants.

HausFrau frequently demonstrated above average organizational skills that were constantly being tested as she traveled to faraway kingdoms with the kids. Sometimes sans Man, but that didn't matter because HausFrau could do it completely sober all herself & survive to blog about it.

First Class tickets help.

As does a comfy ride.

HausFrau was not easily shaken. She remained fearless in the face of dangerous situations, even when up close & personal with strange Kinder creatures.

Like that one time when she happened upon small children who were rabidly foaming at the mouth. She remained calm as she finished her Reuben & iced tea. And, dessert topped with full fat whipped cream.

She demonstrated her bravery when she encountered scary children in public places. She still managed to order her cheeseburger despite having to sneak past these two to make it happen. She even had enough mental wherewithal to remember to ask for no tomatoes. Or onions. And, eat the whole thing.

Who are these children & where are is their mothers mother?

Teen girls never scared HausFrau or alarmed her in any way, even when heavily armed with water balloons. She only wished should could say as much for the boys next door.

HausFrau was not one to shy away from mob-like crowds of teen & preteen fanatics. She braved the masses & long lines, ponied up Man's money & enjoyed the show.

After all, she did have to concur with the general consensus that Troy Bolton was indeed a Hottie.

And, because HausFrau had a well stocked wine rack, her daughter's love of Freakish (& commando) Barbie didn't concern her one bit.

Not one little bit. At all. No way.

HausFrau also had an amazing ability to find the proverbial needle in the haystack. She entered this condemned area on 16 October and returned triumphantly with the cordless phone in hand. Ripley couldn't believe it either & Guinness documented the feat in the 2009 Edition of World Records.

HausFrau was incredibly athletic and could leap tall boxes with a single bound. She could also sort, file & shred mountains of paper fortified only by caffeine & nerves of steel.

HausFrau was both an amazing producer and consumer of all things food & drink. She was pretty handy in the kitchen & could bust a move on schnitzel & a whole lot more. And, she could eat her way through any fest, market, town, village or volksmarch. Or restaurant. Or backyard BBQ.

Exotic local favorites were no match for HausFrau's gluttonous enthusiasm. Fear Factor & Survivor contestants had nothing on her. So what? They can gag on and eventually choke down raw body parts in small quanities. She could clear any plate of schnitzel or waffles and bottoms-up any amount of alcohol beverage. There were numerous witnesses and partners in crime to this particular super-human ability.

Speaking of partners in crime, HausFrau had lots of friends in low high places who could help her out of jail of sticky situations with the correct amount for bail. HausFrau needed not to fear authority from the Judicial Bench.

Besides, Judith only yells at stupid people & HausFrau was anything but.

But, like all superheroes, HausFrau had her Achilles heel. Tornadoes and the threat of tornadoes could stop her in her tracks.

Luckily for HausFrau, she had super friends (MamaFry & BBLady) who could monitor the weather by TV, phone & Internet. Their enthusiasm for gambling was no match for funnel clouds dropping from the sky. HausFrau was & continues to this day to be astonished humbled by their questionable judgment bravery.

With such a wonderful cast of supporting actresses & actor (Man) & documented superhuman abilities perhaps ABC-Disney will be able to immortalize her on the big screen.

If not, it's no big deal. She just got her 15 minutes of fame in the BlogSphere realm thanks to the latest assignment from The MUTER.

Practical Deutsch

This past weekend while we were in Germany, I took this picture of Bernkastel-Keus. We were on a short Mosel River cruise & admiring scenery that only God & the Germans could produce. Who needs postcards, right?

Ok, fine, Man & I were appreciating the scenery, Laze-E was munching on a pretzel & MiniMe was wiggle-worming around in her seat for no good reason & managed to spill her orange juice all over the table.

I know, I know. Other people sipped the local wines, enjoyed the view and whispered sweet-nothings in their lover's ears. Sans kinder.

I dodged orange juice.

Since Man was sitting on the end of the table & I asked him pretty-please to find me something to clean up the spilled OJ.

Admittedly, his German is usually way better than mine. The reason for this being that he actually took real German language courses in college while I opted for the learn-my-car, real-life trial-and-error education. So I was quite surprised when Man turned around and asked me in all seriousness what he needed to ask for.

Uh, duh, we needed either several Servietten or a Lappen.

On a mission and armed with exciting, & oh-so-useful, HausFrau vocabulary, he went in search of either a handful of napkins or a really absorbent dishtowel. Just a short time later, he bee-bopped back to our table with a Lappen & was über-impressed with his new found language skills.

He wondered out loud how his Frau had acquired such useful knowledge.

Uh, duh, 2 kids and 5 ½ years in Germany. You think I've dealt with a spill or three along the way?

Señora Rockin'Bauer

Recently, as in yesterday & today, I learned that if you spout off and say that you can & will do something, it's a great motivator for learning how to do that something in the first place.

Case in point:

Last week at Story Time, I told all my preschool buddies that our theme this week would be Hispanic Heritage & that I would make either sopapillas or churros for them to have as a snack. In preparation for today, I lined up a native speaker to read If You Give a Mouse a Cookie en el Español & I pulled several Latino books off the shelf to read this week.

And, I briefly thought about making some kind of deep fried dough.

And, promptly forgot.

Until yesterday. Man FYI'd me on a community-wide brief that went out yesterday promising great fun at Story Time. Come on ¡Vamanos! Everybody, Let's Go . . . we'll be reading in Spanish and Frau will be busting a move on some sopapillas or churros.

Oh, yeah. I said I could do that.

And, I can. Actually, I have. Sorta. But, it was in San Antonio and all I really did was deep fry readily available prepackaged tortilla dough.

No experience, no problemo. Besides, how hard can it be?

I am flexible and adaptable and pretty darn handy in the kitchen. I can rise to any occasion. For Heaven's Sakes, I even have masa harina in my pantry. Only there was a little problemo: my masa harina was the corn flour kind for making tamales. Not that I've ever made those either, but how hard can it be? I had high hopes of whipping some out for Cinco de Mayo, but the commissary wasn't stocking corn husks at the time, and that severely interfered with my tamale plan.

Last night, I experimented & tried deep frying dough made from masa harina de maiz in hopes of the oil magically morphing the dough into perfect sopapillas. It really didn't work that well, not for sopapillas. Man said the dough needed "more sugar" & I decided that my misguided attempt would make the perfect shells for San Antonio style puffy tacos.

So this morning I goggled "sopapilla" & "churros" recipes & decided on the one with that looked the easiest to make. I totally gave up on the idea of making churros right after I learned that you have to boil some of the ingredients to make the dough. Agreed, boiling is not difficult. I just didn't want to go there in a time crunch. Especially not when I needed to fluff up my hair and make-up the face for a public appearance.

Instead, I used this recipe & made sopapillas from scratch. Like I did everything but grind the wheat kind of scratch.

Although it took me a while to get the mojo going & have the dough puff to perfection, I think my kitchen reputation might remain intact. Especially considering I'm a gringa with the last name Rockin'Bauer, not Rodriguez.

You know what else I learned? Tortillas (b/c sopapillas are basically fried tortilla dough) shaped like Texas & Alaska are much easier to make than perfect circle ones and that sopapillas taste best fresh out of the deep fryer and smothered with honey. I also learned that preschoolers don't care about sopapilla shapes & if you don't tell them they taste better hot with honey, they won't think to ask.

Heck, not one kid had ever had them before and several moms didn't even know what they were, especially my Brit Mum friend.

Just another "Duh, you aren't in Texas anymore" brought to you by HausFrau.

Hey, wanna come over for dinner sometime? I can make puffy tacos.

Kinda, sorta. Besides, how hard can it be?

HausFrau's Rx

Man brought home a charming rhino virus a few days ago and unfortunately, my immune system conked out on me precisely 24 hours later. Read between the lines: It's been 3 days of coughing, sneezing, stuffy head, aching, sore throat, exhausted, but no fever for me. None of which is really worth mentioning - it's just a stupid cold, so not worth blogging about.

Except for the fact that there hasn't been quite enough cold meds to go around.

But, I'll tell you what is worth mentioning. My new found DayQuil substitute:

hot peach or peppermint tea with a very generous splash of brandy

And, my NyQuil substitute:

hot peach or peppermint tea with two very generous splashes of brandy

Tea and booze. Two of my most favorite beverages.

Add a little sugar, pseudophed & Benadryl to that & you won't care if a rhino virus is sitting on your head.

So, next time you are feeling like crap a little under the weather, take two & call me in the morning.

Or afternoon, whenever it is that the drugs wear off & you drag yourself out of bed for a HausFrau DayQuil toddy you wake up feeling refreshed.

Pick Me! Vote for Me!

Pop Quiz Time

Read the following quote and choose the best answer from the choices below:

Uh. Hmm, well, uh, I don't know where he's not. It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect. On the contrary. I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be, if that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Even if he wasn't at where I knew he was that'd mean I'd really have to know where he wasn't.

This quote was said by whom & in what context?

A) Pinocchio when asked to disclose Shrek's location to Charming (Shrek the Third)
B) A Presidential Candidate's response to a question during the first Debate
C) Laze-E when asked if she did her homework & where is it

Last week, I attempted to watch the Presidential Debates, Round One but grew tired of it right after each candidate answered (& I use that term loosely) the first question on foreign policy. Both candidates have superb debate skills & can talk their way around directly answering a question better than either of my children, and that's saying a lot.

Do these people not have time to watch Law & Order or Boston Legal? Just answer the question. That's what the judges & lawyers want from witnesses giving testimony.

And, that's what I want from a debate. Just clearly and concisely answer the question so that I can pick my favorite candidate.

Admittedly, we are just a tad bit out of the loop on every nit-picking detail of the upcoming elections & I'm not one to seek out political information on the Internet. I hear snippets on the TV and read headlines on front pages on the web, but that's about as far as my interest extends when it comes to talking heads giving their opinions & candidates Dog & Pony Showing for the cameras.

I've decided that I am a very middle of the road, non-Democrat, non-Republican & just want public policies in place that will give the most people the best possible. And, that best possible also needs to include fully funding the Department of Defense so that servicemembers can do the job they were tasked to do swiftly and with the fewest casualties possible while their families receive the best support services available.

So, the Debate only bored and frustrated me, but I was really interested in 20/20's Portrait of a President that aired on ABC last week (Part 1) and this week (Part 2). I haven't seen Part 2 yet, but I think it will air on AFN sometime later today. I'm always fascinated about life experiences and paths taken that makes a person who they are today. To me, how you've handled where you've been is a strong indicator as to where you are going. Did a life story help me chose a candidate?

No, but it at least I made it past the first commercial break.

OK, that's about as much political ponderings as you will get from me. Thankfully, huh? Except for an election that hits a little closer to home.

Guess who ran for an 8th Grade Class Office Position and won? That's right, folks. Laze-E Rockin'Bauer is now the 8th Grade Publicity Chair!

I've been told it was a popularity contest. Which is a total news flash to me. Since when did middle school students vote for "names" over the "issues"?

Oh, you might want to watch out. Be careful not to step in my dripping sarcasm.

But, you know what's so darn amusing?

She ran unopposed on an "I'm mostly responsible & will take the time to make the bestest, most creative posters you've ever seen" platform.

So, I still don't know if she's popular or not.

Is she so popular that no one dared to run against her & risk public humiliation of receiving no votes?

Uh. Hmm, well, uh, I don't know.

Or, did no one else want to make posters & she got everyone's (all 20-something kids in the whole 8th grade) sympathy vote?

It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect.

Did she actually get all the votes, or were there silent abstainers who left that choice blank?

On the contrary. I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably do or do not know.

I don't know either.

I may as well have been asking Laze-E if she cleaned her room.

Or a Presidential Candidate if he planned on attending the Debate in the first place.

Doh!

Setting: The Haus Living Room
Activity: Watching The Simpsons on AFN

MiniMe & Man were having quality father-daughter bonding time while watching Bart & Homer. During what should have been commerical time, an AFN info spot came on about joining the Army.

Hey, it happens. Only about 50 times a day.

MiniMe looked at Man and said with conviction that he needed to sign back up with the Army. Why that looked like a good idea to her is beyond me. Maybe it's because she, like me, is a sucker for a Man in uniform.

Either that, or she thinks driving tanks looks like more fun than a nice quiet desk job.

Man gave MiniMe a minor tongue-lashing about his never being in the Army in the first place. Aim High Princess, not Be All That You Can Be. This meant nothing to MiniMe as all she knows is our Army life. After all, she made her debut in an Army hospital & has been stationed at 5 Army locations in her 5 years.

Man then goes on to tell MiniMe that he is way too old for that shit to join anyway. As a matter of fact, we are down to counting months until he is no longer eligible to ever be recalled to Active Duty. In the Air Force. Not Army.

But who's counting, right?

MiniMe didn't buy his reasoning. She looked thoughtfully at Man and said while laughing . . .

Dad, you're not old. You just have a little bit of white in your hair.

Hey, it's nothing that a little Hair Color for Men wouldn't fix.

But, he won't let me.

Note: I know that the current recruitment slogans are: Above All & Army Strong. I just like the other references better. And, it's my blog. And, nobody asked what I thought about changing them anyway. So there.

And, also, I have nothing but respect for any branch of the military. Real life Army Wives rock - they are some of the best friends & strongest women you will ever know. I hope you are lucky enough to have one or two as friends along the way.

And, I bet they can even convince their spouses to use a little hair color.

Driving Me Batty

From the Desk of HausFrau:

9/25/2008

stuff needed for the Autumn Harvest Party --
popcorn
candy corn (check to see if a Halloween origin)
jack-o-lantern pumpkin sugar cookies
bat sunflower cupcakes

BINGO cards (bat, witch, monster, jack-o-latern, black cat)
Fall BINGO cards (nuts, leaves, pumpkins, sunflowers & squirrels)

Party on the 30th NOT 31st !!!!


*********************************************************
Date: 10/2/2008 13:23:49 PM W. European Standard Time
From: ITeachKindy@dodds.net
To: savvyhausfrau@aol.com
Subject: Autumn Fest Party

Dear Mrs. Rockin'Bauer,

During class time today, we were discussing the fact that we do not celebrate the holidays at school. This is to include Halloween, Christmas and Easter.

MiniMe was most insistent that I had approved a Halloween Party. I am sure that this is a misunderstanding on her part. Because we, and I repeat, do not celebrate Halloween at school. It is a school policy not to celebrate any of the religious holidays including Christmas, Halloween and Easter.

Instead, as you should be aware since you are a Room Mother, we are celebrating Autumn Harvest (again, not Halloween) and Winter Break (again, not Christmas).

Any of our classroom parties cannot be connected with these holidays, as you should be well aware since you are one of the Room Mothers. Our Autumn Harvest party will be on the 30th of October, not the 31st.

We will be celebrating Valentines' Day in February & Dr. Suess Day in March, neither of which are religious holidays.

Perhaps you could clarify this with MiniMe.

Miss D
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Date: 10/2/2008 14:13:56 PM W. European Standard Time
From: savvyhausfrau@aol.com
To: ITeachKindy@dodds.net
Subject: Re: Autumn Harvest Party

Dear Miss D:

I apologize if MiniMe was in any way rude or argumentative over the finer details of what to call the party scheduled for later this month. You see, we don't actually celebrate Autumn at our house, only Halloween. If she appears to be confused, it's because of the environment in which she is being raised. Think of it as a basic freedom of religion and speech.

However, I do realize that the party scheduled for the end of this month is to have an Autumn theme. Remember, I took an oath to make goodie bags, snacks and crafts for all non-religious holiday celebrations when I agreed to be the Room Mama.

I will have a little chit-chat with MiniMe about not mentioning the "H" word while at school. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.

Frau Rockin'Bauer
***************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 2 October 2008
Time: 15:46:37 PM

Me: Hey MiniMe, I got an email from your teacher today. Were you aruging with her about Halloween?

MiniMe: No. She just told us that we couldn't celebrate Halloween at school because not all parents and children believe in Halloween.

Me: Well, that's right. We are having an Autumn Harvest Party instead.

MiniMe: But, I believe in Halloween! I really do! I believe!

Me: You do? Just what exactly do you believe in?

MiniMe: I believe in the Candy.

Me: Anything else?

MiniMe: No. Just the Candy.

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The school is obviously kicking off their annual Box Top for Education campaign drive this month. This was located in MiniMe's homework folder today:

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Upon hearing about today's emails & conversations, Laze-E inquired:

Isn't it Saint Valentine's Day? Doesn't Saint imply religion?

Me: Shhhhhhhhh. Don't let that black cat out of the bag. Or we'll have to have a President's Day Party instead . . .

Certainly, Not I

Once upon a time there was a HausFrau who was leading a very average HausFrau life. She cooked & cleaned & tended to the children. She wasn't the "perfect HausFrau" and never once proclaimed to be, since she herself doubted the existence of such a creature. She was, however, savvy and did "just enough" to leave the lasting impression that she was really good at all things HausFrau.

Everything was in its place, dinner menus planned, toilets scrubbed & laundry washed, folded and put away. Oprah & Dr. Phil were watched, bon-bons eaten, long bubble baths taken and Chardonnay sipped. Contentment reigned supreme in HausFrau's life until one day . . .

The Man called her up from work & told her about a job, one with a real paycheck, that would soon be up for grabs. This job, the one with a real paycheck, quite intrigued HausFrau. For one, she would be really good at this job & had the necessary experience & education to convince the hiring authorities of this. For two, the job would command a real paycheck, and most everyone knows that money does indeed talk.

That night as the family sat down to dinner, no doubt a delicious home cooked meal prepared with love, the topic of the job popped up. HausFrau wanted to know what the family would think about her possibly applying for, and eventually accepting this job.

The Man, the Laze-E & the MiniMe all thought the job, and the real paycheck, sounded like a great idea to them. Until . . .

HausFrau casually mentioned that a full-time working-mama job would leave a lot less time for her to tend to the Haus & the children & icky toilets. The family all made frowny faces as they pondered how HausFrau's having a real job might affect them.

HausFrau asked of her devoted family,

"On a nightly basis, who will help me sweep the floors?"

Not I, replied the Man.
Not I, replied the Laze-E.
Not me, replied the MiniMe.

"Then I shall sweep them myself," responded HausFrau.

"But, who will help me wash and fold and put away the laundry?"

Not I, said the Man.
Not I, said the Laze-E.
Not me, said the MiniMe.

"Then I shall wash & fold & put away the laundry myself," replied the HausFrau.

"But, who will help me scrub the toilets & shine the sinks?"

Not I, proclaimed the Man.
Not I, proclaimed the Laze-E.
Not me, proclaimed the MiniMe.

"Then I shall scrub and shine them myself," said the HausFrau.

"But, who will help me prepare delicious home cooked meals?"

Not I, answered the Man.
Not I, answered the Laze-E.
Not me, answered the MiniMe.

"Then I shall cook dinner myself," replied the HausFrau.

"But, who will help me eat the scrumptious food?"

Oh, I will! exclaimed the Man.
Oh, I will! exclaimed the Laze-E.
Oh, me too! exclaimed the MiniMe.

"Fine. Then we all shall enjoy a great meal together," responded the HausFrau.

"But, who will help wash up the dishes and swipe off the counters?"

Not I, said the Man.
Not I, said the Laze-E.
Not me, said the MiniMe.

This prompted HausFrau to ask the most important question of the evening,

"So, who wants this job with a real paycheck?"

Not I! answered the HausFrau with the utmost conviction.

Thank Goodness! declared the Man.
Hallelujah! declared the Laze-E.
Sounds good to me! declared the MiniMe.

With that decision made, the family went off to enjoy their evening of TV & Internet as HausFrau gathered the dirty dishes and headed to the kitchen to clean up.

After all, a little dish washing and toilet scrubbing is small price to pay for unlimited Oprah & Phil, bon-bons, bubble baths and Chardonnay.

HausFrau's Moral of the Story: If it ain't broke, don't break it.