It's a wife. It's a mom. It's SuperFrau!

Once up on a time, there was a spectacular HausFrau who was married to an awesome Man. She had two incredibly wonderful children and they all lived like royalty at Schloss Rockin'Bauer.

For those unfamiliar with the intricate details of HausFrau's life, it might be assumed that she was just an average HausFrau, cooking & cleaning for the greater good of her family. Yes, HausFrau cooked and cleaned, but she also frequently demonstrated superhuman abilities when faced with the most frightful of situations.

Or, the most mundane of tasks.

Because Man traveled life's road with HausFrau, he was very familiar with her amazing abilities. Together they walked 100's of miles through forrests, along rivers, past the corn & wheat fields, around churches, in the snow, in the rain, without breaking a sweat & with Kinder in tow.

Always with the Kinder. Who always whined, complained, cried, stomped & pouted because they were forever tired, hungry, thristy, had to pee, couldn't go any farther or insisted on being carried even though they were riding in a jogging stroller at the time. It was painfully obviously, their super abilities were still being developed.

In the face of all this, HausFrau possessed utmost patience tolerance all in the name of soaking up local culture. And, burning enough calories to eat bratwurst or two with pommes frites & beer guilt-free. Her children are a testiment to her tolerance as they are still around to tell about it. And, to whine, complain, cry, stomp and pout as the situation warrants.

HausFrau frequently demonstrated above average organizational skills that were constantly being tested as she traveled to faraway kingdoms with the kids. Sometimes sans Man, but that didn't matter because HausFrau could do it completely sober all herself & survive to blog about it.

First Class tickets help.

As does a comfy ride.

HausFrau was not easily shaken. She remained fearless in the face of dangerous situations, even when up close & personal with strange Kinder creatures.

Like that one time when she happened upon small children who were rabidly foaming at the mouth. She remained calm as she finished her Reuben & iced tea. And, dessert topped with full fat whipped cream.

She demonstrated her bravery when she encountered scary children in public places. She still managed to order her cheeseburger despite having to sneak past these two to make it happen. She even had enough mental wherewithal to remember to ask for no tomatoes. Or onions. And, eat the whole thing.

Who are these children & where are is their mothers mother?

Teen girls never scared HausFrau or alarmed her in any way, even when heavily armed with water balloons. She only wished should could say as much for the boys next door.

HausFrau was not one to shy away from mob-like crowds of teen & preteen fanatics. She braved the masses & long lines, ponied up Man's money & enjoyed the show.

After all, she did have to concur with the general consensus that Troy Bolton was indeed a Hottie.

And, because HausFrau had a well stocked wine rack, her daughter's love of Freakish (& commando) Barbie didn't concern her one bit.

Not one little bit. At all. No way.

HausFrau also had an amazing ability to find the proverbial needle in the haystack. She entered this condemned area on 16 October and returned triumphantly with the cordless phone in hand. Ripley couldn't believe it either & Guinness documented the feat in the 2009 Edition of World Records.

HausFrau was incredibly athletic and could leap tall boxes with a single bound. She could also sort, file & shred mountains of paper fortified only by caffeine & nerves of steel.

HausFrau was both an amazing producer and consumer of all things food & drink. She was pretty handy in the kitchen & could bust a move on schnitzel & a whole lot more. And, she could eat her way through any fest, market, town, village or volksmarch. Or restaurant. Or backyard BBQ.

Exotic local favorites were no match for HausFrau's gluttonous enthusiasm. Fear Factor & Survivor contestants had nothing on her. So what? They can gag on and eventually choke down raw body parts in small quanities. She could clear any plate of schnitzel or waffles and bottoms-up any amount of alcohol beverage. There were numerous witnesses and partners in crime to this particular super-human ability.

Speaking of partners in crime, HausFrau had lots of friends in low high places who could help her out of jail of sticky situations with the correct amount for bail. HausFrau needed not to fear authority from the Judicial Bench.

Besides, Judith only yells at stupid people & HausFrau was anything but.

But, like all superheroes, HausFrau had her Achilles heel. Tornadoes and the threat of tornadoes could stop her in her tracks.

Luckily for HausFrau, she had super friends (MamaFry & BBLady) who could monitor the weather by TV, phone & Internet. Their enthusiasm for gambling was no match for funnel clouds dropping from the sky. HausFrau was & continues to this day to be astonished humbled by their questionable judgment bravery.

With such a wonderful cast of supporting actresses & actor (Man) & documented superhuman abilities perhaps ABC-Disney will be able to immortalize her on the big screen.

If not, it's no big deal. She just got her 15 minutes of fame in the BlogSphere realm thanks to the latest assignment from The MUTER.