Report Cards are Easier

HausFrau’s Electronic Journal

23 October 2008, 8:23:15 AM
Rough Draft of Letter to Teacher word.doc

Dear Miss D:

Do you really not like me? Or would loathe be a better way to put it? Either way, what did I ever do to deserve this?

You just hate me, don’t you? This wouldn’t have anything to do with the Autumn Fest vs. Halloween smackdown, would it? If so, let’s just let bygones by byones, OK? If nothing else for the sake of the children.

Yes, I realize that all elementary parents need to meet one-on-one with their child’s teacher to discuss how wonderfully they are progressing, both socially & academically. But, come on. Do we have to have this little mandatory tête-à-tête so early in the freaking morning? 0830? Are you kidding me?

You must have me confused with some WorkingMama who actually has purpose outside of tending to children and scrubbing toilets. If I actually had one of them fancy-pants paying jobs, I would be thrilled to meet you during this scheduled time. I could drop by your classroom right before work, cut my lunch hour short by 15 minutes & still manage to put in a very productive 8 hour work day & be rewarded with both money and benefits.

However, I am just an unemployed stay-at-home mom & HausFrau without one of those job thingies. What this means for you? If there’s no bus to catch at 0725 in the AM, then I have very little motivation to drag my insomniac butt out of bed. Also, I have very little charm at that hour of the day & Mr. Rockin’Bauer will be more than happy to swear to this in a court of law. You really don't want to go there.

You may also be unaware, but traffic at that time of day is a bitch atrocious & to be avoided at all costs. Seriously, it would take me 30-45 minutes to drive the 3 miles to the school. That would be pleasant on so many levels.

Essentially what you are asking of me is to get up insanely early on a non-school day, fight idiotic kamikaze drivers to discuss with you MiniMe’s academic progress & classroom performance.

And, I am assuming you would like for me to be all happy & chipper during this meeting because your job is tough with those 10 students you have and the last thing you need is for parents to be cantankerous for no good reason.

Let me take a stab at the parent-teacher conference we will have:

You'll tell me that MiniMe is very bright & learns new tasks with ease. She is also very artistic as demonstrated by her free hand drawings in class and projects in Art class.

I will have to concur.

You will then tell me that she needs improvement in the following areas: she talks way too much and is very pushy to get her way, both with other children & adults. She can be determined & enthusiastic when she has a point to make. As she often does.

Again, I will concur.

You might also mention that she’s been crying during class, but I will then I will be forced to mention that you frequently yell at speak harshly to small children, and do you really want to go there at such an incredibly early hour with an über-cranky, Oprah-watching, bon-bon eating, former-teacher HausFrau?

Didn't think so.

Oh, does that last part sound a bit harsh? Sorry, I didn’t mean to write that. You see, I’m blogging journaling all this before 1000 AM. At this hour, I can manage sarcasm, not saccharine sentiments. So, how about we change the conference time until oh, let’s say 1300 – right after lunch? I’m usually in a much better mood with a little food & caffeine on board.

Better yet. Let's make it after 1700. I can be in a really upbeat & happy during Happy Hour. Also, I have some very effective strategies for coping with small children that I can share with you during this time. Do you think you would prefer a red strategy, or a blush, or a white?

Sincerely, Frau Rockin'Bauer

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Date: 10/23/2008 10:17:38 AM W. European Standard Time
From: savvyhausfrau@aol.com
To: ITeachKindy@dodds.net
Subject: Request a Conference Time Change

Dear Miss D:

I am so excited to meet with you next week to discuss MiniMe’s above average progress in your class. I cannot believe that the first quarter has flown by so quickly! As anxious as I am to visit with you, I will be unable to meet with you at such an insanely early hour! during my assigned time of 0830 on 6 November 2008.

I have some on-line shopping to do a very important Acquisitioning meeting to attend during that morning. Afterwards, I'm scheduled for a relaxing working lunch with Man my boss & won’t be available until later in the afternoon. Anytime after 1400 works for me.

If there is still a scheduling conflict, please call my cell phone after 1000 AM administrative assistant & she’ll be happy to work with you finding a time that is perfect for both of us busy working ladies.

Thanks for all you do. MiniMe is really enjoying center time & hot lunch your class.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Rockin’Bauer
CEO HausFrau, Inc.