MiniMe Says

Ok. This has to be quick. Man told me to check my email so that he could pack up the laptop. I did check email, then got all happy because I a few last minutes to blog from Belgium. I think this is an appropriate last Brussels post . . .

This morning, MiniMe snarfed a chocolate muffin that LadyMoody (Hi, Erin) made & gave her last night. She licked her lips and declared that was the best muffin ever.

Really?

My curiosity was totally piqued because MiniMe is not a chocolate fan - at all. So, I asked her,

When did you start liking chocolate, Cupcake?

And, she responded,

When I tried that chocolate those Belgian kids were eating.

Yep, it's been a good time here in Brussels.

And (oops!), Man just noticed that I was blogging and not reading email & asked what I could possibly have to blog about when I should be packing & loading up & drying my hair & applying some kind of make-up. Hurry up already. We don't have all day.

Hey, I was writing about Belgian chocolate, Babe. Give a girl a break.

OK, I really gotta run. United Airlines waits for no one.

And, neither does Man.

Me, Myself & I

25 Random Thoughts About Me

1. I am the movie star of my life & I take that role very seriously.

2. I am way more introverted than most people would guess.

3. I get bored easily.

4. I totally heart iced tea . . . to the tune of 2 liters and 6 ice cube trays a day.

5. I believe that laughter is a gift.

6. I have absolutely no athletic ability or talent whatsoever.

7. I am not a morning person.

8. I am very good at remembering dates.

9. I am fascinated by people stories.

10. I absolutely prefer TV shows to movies.

11. I have never experiemented with any kind of illegal substance.

12. I always have my toenails painted.

13. I would rather have a potluck get together at my Haus than go to a nice restaurant.

14. I am blessed to have so many rock-star friends in my life.

15. I love me enough that I don't seek the approval from strangers and mere acquaintances.

16. I always giggle when 4 year olds tell me what they really think.

17. I believe that a gut feeling is God speaking.

18. I always prefer savory to sweet.

19. I despise raw tomatoes.

20. I am glad that I am on Earth now & not 100 years ago.

21. I am more liberal minded now than ever before.

22. I prefer to drive a car.

23. I am frequently awake during the night & don't sleep well.

24. I would rather be 37 than 17.

25. I hope I never know what it's like to be pregnant with 6 babies at 39 weeks.

And, for the bonus thought . . .

I found it a tad bit difficult to say 25 things about me that have nothing to do with Man or the Girls. But, I did. So there may still be hope for me yet.

PS. We are flying to DC tomorrow. So, unless something totally fun & exciting happens today, this is the final Bloggin' From Belgium entry. Watch out Virginia, we Rockin'Bauers are on our way . . .

Guess Who

If not for other people practically forcing the words out of my mouth, there are certain things I never thought I'd actually have to speak out loud.

Guess who I was speaking to when I said:

Hello!? We don't eat soup with our fingers!

AND,

Seriously, did you mean to put sweet & sour sauce on toast? Or, did you think it was jelly?

Yeah, I know. Obviously, I didn't actually cook anything for dinner & it was a total yo-yo (you're on your own) night.

Me? I'm sipping red wine & eating Cheetos. It's a HausFrau twist on whine & cheese.

Batteries Not Included

Disclaimer: This did not happen to me or anyone I know. Even if you think it did.
It didn't. Just like Law & Order. OK?

As you all know, I am smack dab in the middle of a PCS, which happens to be military-speak for we are moving and it sucks. Once you PCS a few times, you develop tips and tricks for making the move less painful.

For instance:

Tip #2: All pens and Sharpies need to be placed into Ziplock bags prior to being packed up. This way, should anything leak, your couch will not be permanently wearing the evidence.

Tip #38: Round up all remotes and make sure they are packed up in a logical box -- like the one from the living room that also contains DVD's and the cables for the AV equipment. It's not so good if they are scattered all around & inevitably packed with towels, barbies and/or canned food. Especially when you really just want to crash in front of Desperate Housewives but the necessary remote is in an unpacked box of "Misc" items from the basement.

Tip #16: Have the movers tape all hardware to the piece of furniture to which it belongs. That way everything is handy for the other movers to reassemble with no excuses as to why they can't. Sorry, ma'am. We can't find the hardware. And, not that we looked very hard, either.

Tip #8: Have the movers load the tool box last. Very last. That way you have it handy at both ends. Last on a crate, first off. It's frustrating to need a screwdriver & have to substitue a licked-clean plastic fork from a Taco Bell lunch. Not that I would personally know, or anything. I'm just saying.

Tip #28: Have a Sharpie of your own handy. That way if the movers are labeling your boxes in a foreign language (Russian, Polish, etc), you can relabel in English while the contents are fresh on your mind.

Tip #5: Pets should be removed from the premises or locked in a room movers won't access. Our movers in San Antonio shared with us about a cat gone missing and found 6 weeks later inside the fold-out couch. It was a July move to Texas.

Tip #12: If you have good movers, they will pack out one room and leave the boxes in that room until ready to load. This will give you time to clearly label whose boxes are whose. Especially if you are us and everything kinder is labeled "Girl's Room" without specifiying Laze-E vs. MiniMe. Seriously, Laze-E might freak out if Rosie ended up in her room by mistake.

And, my favorite tip (#1, in case you are wondering) from this current move is Vodka. A little buzz is the only way to go. Just make sure the cat is locked in the bathroom beforehand. You'd hate to get all tipsy and forget about kitty & all those boxes.

These are just a few small tips and suggestions that could make your life easier if you happen to have a move in the works. We always feed our movers too. It might cost a bit on the front end, but the results are definitely worth it. If you have German movers, we have found that they love Dr. Pepper. But, don't just guess. Ask them what American junk they want. They may go nuts over Doritos too. Really, it's a small price to pay.

Especailly considering that the movers are about to rummage through everything you own. And, if you PCS like I do (I refuse to pack anything myself), the movers will see it all.

Everything.

Alles.

And, this fact brings me to HausFrau's PCS Tip #23: Locate EVERYTHING that is battery operated and remove the batteries.

Yes, you should do this anyway. Something about salt water (especially for an overseas move) corroding batteries and ruining your electronics. But that pales in comparision to other SNAFU's that batteries can create.

Just imagine that you happen to own (& remember I don't & neither does anyone I know in real life), oh how shall I delicately put this?

A rather large . . .

purple . . .

battery operated . . .

thing.

OK. Fine. It's a purple vibrator that got stashed away in some bedroom drawer & you (not me or anyone I know in real life) forgot all about owning the dumb thing in the first place.

Until . . .

one of your movers comes beebopping down the stairs carrying a box labeled "Master Bedroom".

And, that particular box is shaking & vibrating & buzzing & rattling & rocking & rolling like nobody's business.

At this particular moment in time, you might even choke on Dr. Pepper & Doritos as it all comes rushing back to you.

Oh, Yeah!

That Surprise Party over at the Capt's Wife's Haus back during the last deployment. Something about one too many cosmopolitans & the VISA just came flying out of your wallet. And a week later the rather large & purple & anatomically correct device shows up via Military Postal Service.

See? It's moments like these where you want your movers big-fat-squishy-hearting you for bringing them Popeye's or Taco Bell for lunch. Perhaps, they will overlook minor things like vibrating boxes. Or at least act like they know nothing about it (vibrating? what vibrating?!) as they walk past you out to Crate #12 of 16.

But, let's consider for one moment that you panicked for no reason at all. Let's just say all that buzzing & vibrating was a battery operated shaver that your Man was using during his last deployment.

You just overreacted & panicked for no reason. It was just a shaver. Silly. Next time drop some Vodka in the Dr. Pepper. Okay?

So, you survive this PCS & live to tell about it at your next duty station. Where . . .

You've unpacked every last box, hung every last picture, displayed every last piece of Polish Pottery and you are ready to invite the ladies over for coffee. A kind of Haus-Warming-Get-to-Know-Me kind of shindig. All very prim & proper because you are the new girl on the block and you've yet to figure out exactly who will be your Bunco & Bourbon Buddies.

You are serving coffee cake and coffee. All chit chat is appropriate & socially acceptable. Everyone is having a lovely time.

All the little girls are quietly upstairs playing dress-up. Everything is skittles and sunshine in your world.

Until your 4 year old comes beebooping down the stairs (can you say déjà vu?) in her tutu . . .

Look Mommy! I found THIS (ta-dah!) in my dress-up drawer underneath all my tutu's. Is it a fairy wand? Can I have it?

Let me tell you something, girlfriend. If you did not know who your new BFF's were before that particular moment in time, you do now. They are the classy ones who actually laugh out loud as they choke on coffee and cake.

Next PCS, though . . . you might consider packing up a few things before the movers arrive.

Public Service Announcement

As I sit here in the hotel apartment watching Dutch infomercials, I just realized that (sniff, sniff) my AFN info spot days are over. At least until our next Europe assignment.

For most of the last 8 years, I've watched American Forces Network info spots in lieu of bonafide commercials for products and services. While AFN spots can be very corny at best & downright eyerollers at worst, I still prefer them to plugs for new & improved toilet paper & yet another Valentine's Day sale on carpet.

And, thanks to years of Capital City Trivia & Famous Americans, I could probably kick-butt on Jeporady!

For my readers unfamiliar with AFN info spots, here's some of what you've been missing out on:

Break out the grill & have a weenie roast with your neighbors. Survivor style.

Can't change a diaper? Professional counseling is available.

Motorcycle safety: Dress for the crash.

PCS: make sure your TV is on the inventory sheet. Or you'll be watching a cardboard box at the next duty station.

Volunteer: Because you ain't getting a job here.

Portion Control & Eating Right. Kay at the Commissary really cares.

Ex-wife sold all your worldly possessions? Getting screwed with the wrong kind of Power of Attorney.

Don't panic. What to do when your AFN satellite konks out.

Telling her that her ass looks nice in BDU's IS sexual harassment. Don't.
And, trust me, it doesn't.

Chewing tobacco. Getting laid is easier without that baggage in your back pocket.

You can't un-ring a bell: Keeping your virginity. Starring 5 teen single moms.

Excessive drinking. Don't still be falling down drunk for morning PT.

Violence against women is wrong. As is beating the crap out of your husband for leaving the toilet seat up.

Scented Yankee candles have no place in a tent in Iraq.

Turn the TV down. You don't want to hear Big Bird. They don't want to hear Big Willy's Wild Ride.

As much as my life has been enhanced by the constant reminders & timely tips, I must say that I have a few more ideas that may help other American HausFrauen stationed all over Europe enjoy their current duty stations even more.

I present to you:

HausFrau's Helpful Hints for Overseas Living.
All info spots starring the Rockin'Bauers.

Properly washing thongs in an European washer.

Being fingerprinted at the MP Station. How to leave tampons out of the equation.

Road trips with carsick kids. Size of the barf bag does matter.

Paying with cash at a Belgian Aldi. Beware. All lines aren't the same.

Piss poor prior planning? Cake batter beater to the rescue.

Keep your Man looking spiffy at the office. How to tie a Double Windsor knot with only 2 hands and a leg.

Finding bargains at the Thrift Shop, starring MiniMe & Rosie.

Opening lids without the aid of Xanax.

How to go Momicidial on the side of the Autobahn without drawing attention of the Polizei.

Exchange rates for kids. Don't worry if the Tooth Fairy leaves foreign currency.

Hamburger Helper sale at the commissary. Resist.

Internet Porn: How to avoid that lane on the Information Autobahn.

PCS: Make sure everything is on the inventory list. It would be a shame if the Thrift Shop bargains didn't make it to the next duty station.

Organizing the basement so the movers don't have to.

Securing government furniture, namely the bed, with duct tape. Your downstairs neighbors will Danke Schön you.

Riding in Style

Yesterday, Man & I checked off another little box on our Brussels Escape Plan. This time the little tick mark went in front of Ship the Pilot. Now both of our vehicles are en route to Baltimore & we are driving a rental car for the next week.

This particular rental is a sporty silver BMW. No, it's not that kind of BMW. This one is a manual transmission with cloth seats. But, it's still cute, new and it is a BMW. Even better, it's small enough that we can park it anywhere we want. And, still be able to get out of the car.

Laze-E took a little spin in the car last night while I was ferrying her over to TGirl's haus for yet another sleepover. She was totally checking the car out, imagining herself in the driver's seat, I'm sure. She liked the size, the color & after turning on the radio, deemed the sound system not bad. The über-impressive push button ignition sealed the deal. She wants this car.

Sure thing, Sunshine. Your BMW wish is my command.

While I was ignoring the fact that my 13 year old is planning for her first car to be a new BMW, I did make one comment.

Yeah, those German's sure know how to make a car, don't they?

Her response (and I type with shaky unbelieving fingers . . . )

BMW is German?!

Yeah, SweetPea, it stands for Bavarian Motor Works. Or Bayern Motor Werks to be more specific. You know, Bavaria/Bayern. We lived there.

Twice.

Yes, my friends, this is just more proof that I'm going to have to drag that girl back to Deutschland for another assignment. By that time, she might be (technically) old enough to drive. And, we will certainly buy her a cute little BMW.

Hooptie.

Circa 1992.

Not Autobahn compatible.

Offer void where prohibited by law. Not valid in Alaska or Hawaii. While supplies last.

Been There, Done That

With the largest chunk of our current PCS behind me, I had a few moments to actually do my MUTER homework well before the due date. Usually, I have no problem procrasting up until the last minute. But, for this particular deadline, we'll be flying over the Atlantic on our way to Virginia. And, while I think it's totally cool to blog on United Airlines, the reality is that I'll be traveling with MiniMe. I'll be doing good to just to catch an uninterrupted 15-20 minutes of an inflight movie.

1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain (but I have walked part way up one or two)
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo at a try-out
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched lightening at sea
14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice (but, I have been to Venice)
29. Seen a total eclipse (not sure . . . wasn't there something in the mid-80's?)
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run (Literally, no. Figuratively, yes!)
32. Been on a cruise (but don't get me started on the one I had to cancel!)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors (if they came from Western & Central Europe)

35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language (enough Deutsch to get around)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted (not painted but sketched with pastels in Paris)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (I've been up in the tower, but not to the top. The lines are always so long & I'm not even sure you can go all the way up.)
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain (maybe, but nothing that left a lasting impression)
53. Played in the mud (if walking muddy volksmarches counts, then yes!)
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason (does it count if I was there when they were purchased on the roadside?)
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London (I've seen the guards, not the changing)
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem (my answer would be yes, but not with the ongoing conflict)
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life (while this sounds good on the surface . . . not sure about the reality)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit (and it was very Judge Judy . . . )
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Rode an elephant (but I have ridden a camel)

OK, my friends, anyone surprised by my answers? I'm really not much of a daredevil & my answers make that painfully obvious. Especially that part about cavier. Sorry, it's the just the biology teacher in me that makes that gross.

Anything pique your interest & you desperately want details?

Want to make a comment about what you have done or wish to do?

If you haven't visited the White Haus yet, let me know. MiniMe is convinced that Sasha & Malia are going to be her new BFF's. I'll just call up Broccoli & First Frau to see if we can score an invite for dinner.

Maybe we can even round up enough people and get a game of Bunco going.

My Fine 2009

The MUTER assigned me to write about my 2009 New Year Resolutions more than 2 weeks ago, right smack-dab in the middle of my PCStressing. Several days later, smack-dab in the middle of shipping crates and cardboard boxes, I was also given a gentle written reminder to just complete the assignment already, will ya?

And, looky here. It's half way through the month of January and I'm just now getting around to even thinking about it. What, with the move and all, who has had time to coherently think about ways to affect positive change in my life for the upcoming months? Not me.

I only managed to squeak out a few moments to covertly slip a little vodka into the OJ. And, wash some laundry. So far, this New Year has been a blur of moving boxes, shopping carts full of crap I've consigned at SubourbonHausFrau's Boutique and mountains of frozen pizza.

Point taken. Should anyone need to make a few postive changes, it would be me.

OK, I have a little confession to make. I never actually make New Year Resolutions. Not that I am too good for them or have some lurking fear of Failure By February, it's just that January first has never really grabbed my attention.

Except for that one time waaaay back in 1992, my attention was completely captivated. Happy (2-Day HangOver) New Year to me. I did make a resolution right then and there. I was never going to drink another drop of ethanol ever again. Never. No way. Nuhn-uh.

Well, maybe just never drink gallons of wine coolers ever again that much.

Under those same circumstances.

Anyway, for this year, I'm totally on the American BandWagon & I will now present to you HausFrau's Top Five. Yeah, I know. I totally googled "most common New Year resolutions" and copied and pasted.

Number One: Lose Weight, Eat Healthier, Exercise. Do I actually have specific goals? Yep. Either lose weight or tone up enough that my jeans fit comfortably without muffin top & so my bra fits properly without bulging back fat oozing out and over the straps.

Or I could just buy some Spanx & call it even.

And, we do need to eat a little healthier than the frozen pizza, grilled cheeses & Chinese take-away that dominates our diet right now. I'll get back to sneaking incorporating more SuperFoods into our diet in Virginia.

Or maybe we could just put extra ketchup (cooked tomatoes= SuperFood) on our McD french fries.

Number Two: Get Debt Undercontrol, Save More, Spend Less. We only have vehicle payments & we are totally okay with that. My car will be paid off in 12 months & is financed at 1.9%. Not totally sure about Man's BatMobile, but it's not sinking us by any means. We can't exactly save more since we are big-fat kissing our big-fat Overseas Housing Allowance auf weidersehen, but we will continue to save as much as we can.

On the spend less . . . my motto is Resale Not Retail. Who knows? Maybe I can find Spanx in my size on Craig's List.

Number Three: Quit smoking & drinking. Smoking? Not an issue. Quit drinking? How about I modify this to Quit drinking before a hangover is inevitable? And, the clock starts now. Not last Saturday night when my friend Babs (Hi, Brook, I'll explain later!) forced me to drink copious amounts of 14% French red wine and eat dill pickles at midnight.

Number Four: Get Organized. I am totally cheating on this one. All 16 crates of my worldly possessions -- minus what's packed in the suitcases & the 3 crates that are in storage in Texas - but who's counting anyway? -- are all neatly boxed up, labeled & inventoried. Since I'm fairly organized anyway, maybe I should expand this one to include color coded & matching storage boxes for seasonal items and Man's Krap. I probably also need to attack the Texas crates with some HausFrau enthusiasm and get my own little list going with Craig.

Number Five: Find a Higher Paying Job. You mean like actually find a job in the first place? With a paycheck attached? Finding a job might not be the problem. Actually taking it . . . ? But if I did that, then who would flit around the Haus in heels & pearls, sporting a feather duster & attack my dust bunnies? And, praytell, who would serve perfectly prepared pot roast & all the appropriate side dishes at 6 o'clock on the dot every night? And,more importantly, who would keep up with my blogging & Facebooking?!

There you have it, my friends. With the help of the Internet, I quickly pounded out 5 resolutions with very little effort. And, what's more, keeping up with them should be no problem.

I just need Spanx & ketchup, my new favortie resale shop, single serving bottles of wine, colored Rubbermaid storage containers and Internet access (for finding a job).

We should have a party at my Haus and celebrate my resolutions.

I'll provide the wine. You bring the pickles.

Guess Who

OK, friends, for this edition of Guess Who you need to not only guess who, but also guess where & what. If you've been paying attention this week, this will be easy.

Ready?

Here we go.

In this first picture, what is Letter A pointing to? Yes, it is hard to see, especially without that big, fat blue arrow doing all the work for you. But who would even know it was there? Or to look for it in the first place. Especially if this highly secret location was swimming with about 100 more local nationals. All buying discount groceries.

If you can't quite make it out, neither could I. How about I zoom in and do a little CSI-style focus and pixel clean-up?

Is this better?

Yeah, I know. You don't speak or read Flemish/Dutch. That's okay, neither did I.

OK, fine. Had I actually seen the sign in the first place, I know enough German to read Dutch & probably could have figured it out.

Or, maybe not. I think I would have thought that it meant that you could use the bank card only in this line, not that you could only use the bank card in this line. See, it's confusing even in English?

For the next picture, what is Letter B pointing to?

Yes, I was hiding behind the toilet paper & baby wipes with my camera flash turned off. It's not like I actually wanted to draw attention to myself. Or be black-listed for my last 3 weeks in Belgium.

I had to be really sneaky to snap this next picture without anyone around me knowing. Camera flash was off & I took the picture without actually ever looking at the camera. Pretty slick, huh?

HausFrau, Private Investigator. Think I might have a future?

Oh, you know that I chose this line on purpose. Now tell me, who is marked with the Letter C?

Bonus Question: Where did HausFrau go today & what did she buy?


Oh, yes, I did!

I risked public embarassment & humilation today so that I could bring you this publication complete with pictures. If you don't fully appreciation what I did, that's okay. I was all warm & bubbly inside the store as I quietly giggled while completing my mission. And, I was chuckling out loud as I Skippity-Do-Dah'd right on back to the Pilot. It was the most fun I've had grocery shopping in a long time & the fact that we can all put a name with a face (even if it is just a profile) . . . well, it's just priceless.

Do you really need the official answers? OK, just for those of you who don't hang on my every word out of the kindness of my heart, here they are:

Answer Key: A - the infamous bank card only sign. B - Skippy's Line & today he's taking cash. C - Skippy. Bonus Q - Aldi & I purchased tangerines, bagged salad & catfood.

Temporary Schloss

We made it out of the Haus this week and into the hotel-apartment as we begin Phase 2 of the Move to DC. I don't want to mislead anyone, so let me be very clear about this: we aren't actually living in a hotel room. We have an apartment & it happens to be a very nice, complete with Internet access, full kitchen & digital cable.

But we are so spoiled & accustomed to living a life of luxury (I know, I know, just another middle class sob story) that a 1000 sq ft, 2 bedroom, 1 bath apartment, complete with Internet access, full kitchen & digital cable is a big step down for us.

First of all . . . sharing the laptop. All 4 of us?! We were having problems juggling two computers before. Man needs his time to continue to look for a job (I know, I know, at this point it's an addiciton, but if he can fanagle a follow-on Germany assignment, who am I to judge?) & check the news & weather in San Antonio (I know, I know . . .). MiniMe needs her computer time to play Webkinz & Littlest Pet Shop (so they don't die! & yes, I'd like to have a little face-to-face with whomever told her that these particular virtual pets even possess the ability to kick the bucket) and Laze-E who must have proper access to iTunes.

And, me. I need to listen to AOL Awesome 80's, FaceBook & Blog pay bills & search for dinner recipes.

So here we are a the temporary location of Schloss Rockin'Bauer. We were here a whoppinh 15 minutes & everyone immediately got down to business fulfilling our stereotypical roles.

Man's main task was to get the Vonage phone & Internet up and running as quickly as possible. MiniMe's job was to sit quietly on the couch and watch Fairly Odd Parents in Dutch so that we could get the technology situated.

Laze-E immediately started complaining about having to share a room with her sister & they both proceeded to fight over who was going to sleep on which bed. Once you pull out the trundle & pop it up, the beds are the exact same. They were arguing over which wall they wanted to sleep against. Hey, don't accuse my kids of not sweating the small stuff.

Laze-E did take time out from the bitching to strike a pose for me. She's smart enough to know that if she's going to throw a temper tantrum that the photographic evidence may very well be blog-worthy.

When 6 o'clock pm rolled around it was adult TV time (Everybody Hates Chris, According to Jim & Friends - in English) & we booted MiniMe to our bedroom to watch a library movie on the portable DVD player. There's only so much kid-TV we can tolerate. Especially when it's in Dutch.


Once Laze-E claimed her space, it took her all of about, oh, 34 seconds to trash the room out. Here she is yakking on the phone with TGirl, listening to her iPod & staying out of trouble - for this one brief moment in time.

At least I think she was staying out of trouble . . .

Where am I? Behind the camera, silly. I think I mentioned something about sterotypical jobs around the Haus.

That, and I immediately got down to the business of FaceBooking & Blogging vacuuming, scrubbing toilets & cooking dinner.

Hey, we don't call me HausFrau for nothing.

Not in Kansas Anymore, or Germany

This Friday I'm flashing all the way back to this exact same time last year. We had just moved from HoTown to Brussels & were living in the exact same hotel-apartment we are now. It's like déjà vu all over again.

This time period was back before I started blogging. At the time I would just type up the equivalent of a blog publication and send it by email to some of my friends. I can't put my fingers on the exact email I sent because the laptop I was using then is now garbage. But I will try to recreate the frustration and insanity of my first Aldi shopping trip in Belgium.

Remember we had just moved from Germany where we had lived quite happily for over 5 years total. Although we were still in Europe and in a country bordering Germany, our first few days in Belgium were an adjustment (heck, this whole year has been an adjustment). We were now in a big city with major traffic after having spent 12 months in the middle of farmland. We all joked about a Bavarian Traffic Stau being 5 cars lined up behind tractor. A Brussels traffic jam means 1000's of cars and it might take 90 mintues to drive 10 miles.

I also remember having a few OMG Moments in the local stores where I was wide-eyed & gaped-mouth over the prices. $12 for a small container of icecream sticks out as a prime example of the incredible cost of living here. Because the only commissary in Belgium was an hour away, I was very happy to finally locate an Aldi - in the Flemish speaking side of town.

So, off to Aldi I go.

With my rather lengthy grocery list.

And, with my little sidekick, MiniMe.

I was ready not only with my list, but also with my shopping bags/baskets & cold hard Euro cash. I even had a one Euro coin to secure myself a shopping cart.

Like I said, I was ready. And, I thought I knew what I was doing.

MiniMe and I walked up and down every aisle buying stuff we knew we needed & local products that were just too cool to pass up - like individual crème brûlée desserts. The store was insanely busy and we were dodging the locals at every turn. I'm talking elbowing my way to the lunchmeat.

By the time the cart was filled up, I was beyond done shopping. I headed toward one of three lines & waited & waited & waited in an incredibly long line for our turn with the cashier.

Finally, I loaded all our stuff on the conveyor belt & I could see the end of this shopping trip in sight.

Hallelujah!

And, not a moment too soon because MiniMe had long been done with shopping & dodging the locals. We all know that "done with shopping" entailed a lot of whining & griping about wanting to go home immediately. Because I was distracted by the little darling, I didn't pay too much attention to the Cashier Dude and he ended up scanning 5 items of my stuff on the lady's ticket ahead of me.

Now, in the States, this would have been no problem. Cashier Dude could have just credited the lady in front of me & she would have been on her happy way.

But, not here. Cashiers here (at least at Aldi) can't do anything except scan items. Über-Important Midmanagement Lady with the register key had to be paged to fix this little SNAFU. She took for-freaking-ever to mosey up to the front & in the meantime, all those Belgians behind me were slightly irriated at having to wait longer for their turn. I'm sure the fact that I hail from the Good Ol' US of A didn't help my popularity either. To ice the cake, the lady ahead of me was peeved that I was slowing her down too.

Sorry, Folks, it wasn't actually me who got all scan happy with the barcode reader. Eventually, Important Key Lady fixed the problem & the lady in front of me was on her merry way.

Thankfully.

With SNAFU #1 behind us, Cashier Dude starting ringing up my groceries on my ticket. It was wonderful because I knew that we were just about ready to leave to store, get out of the public & go home for dinner.

Again . . . Hallelujah!

He rang and rang and rang up my items and presented me with a grand total. It was 50-something Euros, if memory serves me correctly. And, that's a lot of stuff for an Aldi shopping trip.

I quieted MiniMe's complaining long enough to grab cash out of my purse & presented it to Cashier Dude.

Viola!

He looks at me like I am a total idiot & proceeds to tell me something in French.

Uh . . . huh? English . . . ?

Oh, do I have a card, you ask?

I have a MasterCard. Will that work?

Non.

Oh, crap. I managed to get in the one line that takes only a special kind of bank card.

Which I did not have.

So Cashier Dude had to call Key Lady (who was still moving at turtle speed) back again & he had to UN-ring every freakin' thing one item at a time. At this point, the natives in line behind me were losing their charm, what little charm they possessed in the first place. They knew they were in the card only line and had their cards ready to rock-n-roll.

MiniMe's charm had long since faded and she was bordering on hissy fit.

Cashier Dude looked down his nose at me and pointed to the line that I needed to now wait in. The very, very long line that actually took cash.

I really, really wanted to just scream, throw a temper fit & leave the store. But that shopping trip had taken forever already & I didn't have any other plan for purchasing the badly needed groceries.

So, I attempted to silence MiniMe's loud protests that we already checked-out and I want to go home riiiighhhtttt noooooow!

Everyone in the store hated me for causing so many problems & I now hated all of them because they are very unsympathic about my not speaking French and/or reading Flemish. Make up your minds people. Pick a language and stick with it.

But I needed the groceries and was determined to get them one way or the other. So MiniMe and I waited in line - again. I flatout refused to make eye contact with anyone.

There. That would show them.

While standing there trying to figure out what went wrong, I noticed a sign that said Bank Card Enkel. There it was my friends, the first Flemish work I learned. Enkel means only. But who knew to look for a stupid sign anyway? Especially in the cluster-F that was the front of the store.

Then I started missing Germany because I know enough of that language not to end up in a card-only line.

Oh, wait! Germans don't do that. You can pay with cash in every freakin' line & that's what they actually prefer.

But, we aren't in Germany anymore and as far as I am concerned, not near enough to the border either.

Anyway, eventually, I successfully made it through the check-out line & back to the hotel. Knowing now why ex-pats with less chutzpah just want to climb back aboard an American Airlines flight headed for anywhere Stateside.

Because my family keeps eating dinner every night, several weeks later, I found myself shopping at Aldi again. This time, I two missions. 1) get in and get out as quickly as humanly possibly and 2) avoid Cashier Dude. I did manage to shop quickly, but that's as far as the HausFrau luck carried me. Cashier Dude was the only person working the only register that was open. I'm quite sure he remembered me & my fiasco of a shopping trip because he continue to look down at me with all the French-speaking snottiness he could muster.

Whatever!

Dude. You work at a low-end, el cheapo grocery store. And, you aren't even important enough to sport a key to the register that you operate. And, what's more. When the store is crazy-busy, Midmanagement puts you the card only register where you don't even have to handle cash under pressure.

It was at that moment I decided to take back my power & show a little HausFrau tude. I named the Dude Skippy (thanks, WonderWoman, for the idea) & vowed right then and there that any time he was working the cash line, I'd be in it.

Hey, Skippers. How's it going today? Long time, no see.

Hey, Skippity Do-Dah! I see you are on the Card Only line. Catch ya next time, 'kay?

Toodles, Skippy. Have a good weekend. (insert finger wave)

Hey, Skip. Do you have the key today? No? Well, better luck next time.

Bon jour, Skippy. I see they have you stocking tampons today. That bites.

Let me tell you folks, since I've decided to be the resident pain-in-the-butt at the Aldi, I've had a blast shopping. Now it's Skippy running from me & not the other way around.

I've also decided that Skippy should hook up with the stuck-up girls who work at the cosmetics counters. Hello?! You are selling make-up at a department store or worse . . . the PX. Since when is that job anywhere near the higher end of desirable jobs?

Puh-lease. Do you really think you are über-special with all that lipstick, zit cream & oodles of cover-up?

Probably.

Wow. I wish I could compete with you, LipstickChick, and your cashier buddy, Skippy.

I'm just not sure how my awesome personality, master's degree, amazing toilet scrubbing ability and HausFrau Blog would stack up against those high-fah-luting careers you've chosen.

Not Just Boxes

By noon on Moving Day #3, life is getting much easier around the Haus. Our bulging suitcases are at the hotel, the cat is locked in the bathroom, kids are at school & I'm goofing off online because our movers rock & are leaving the computer up and running until the bitter end.

Man is out hunting down Chinese Take-Out for lunch. We all know I was the one to take everyone's order, call the restaurant, place the order & tell him where to go. But he's actually the one doing the heavy lifting. Hey, there's still snow & slush on the ground & finding a parking place might be a bit of a problem.

For him.

Life is good.

Or as close to good as a PCS can get.

The movers have 3 crates loaded & are working on the other 3 for today - which will be roughly half of our stuff. This is what destressing looks like, one crate at a time.

At this point, I'm sipping on virgin iced tea because I drank all the vodka yesterday there's not much to stress about today. I am watching Judge Alex (who, by the way, is so much hotter than Judy) and occasionally, I'll wander around the Haus checking on progress.

To help pass the time, I also like to play Guess What. It's a geek way to keep my brain fine-tuned so in Virginia next month (please let it be next month) I'll immediately know what's coming off the crates & where to have it delivered.

While wandering, I'll look at all the little boxes & see how they are labeled. "Office books", "VCR Tapes", "Kitchen Decor - Top Load" (and they'd better!), "Polish Pottery", "Polish Pottery", "Polish Pottery", "Schrank Glassware", "Schrank Glassware", "Schrank Glassware", "Schrank Glassware", etc, etc, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah.

Not everything fits nicely into little boxes & those items are wrapped in cardboard and/or bubble wrap. Some items are super easy-peasy to guess.

For instance, this is the couch.

And this is our king-sized pillow top mattress.

It's already sorely missed. One night in a hotel and it's a major bitch-fest about crappy mattresses. But you don't want to hear about that . . .

This piece of furniture is the recliner.

And, under this cardboard hides a dining room chair.

Now, not everything is wrapped in such a way that you can immediately determine what's inside. For instance, I came across this item & scratched my head . . . . hmmmmm. What is that?

Anyone care to guess? Anyone?

If you been paying attention, this should be easy-peasy. Super easy-peasy.

Take care, Rosie. See ya in DC.

Little Boxes

You know you are PCSing when . . .

By the way, folks, this is my first move with WHITE boxes. And, I can not say enough about the Peach Vodka. I will never PCS completely sober again!

Or fly Trans-Atlantic without being at least two sheets to the wind.

Man could not agree with me more.

Move is a Four Letter Word

There is this AFN Info Spot explaining the correct way to happily PCS. It goes something like this . . . "This is how a family looks during a successful PCS . . . " And, inevitably the "family" is a bunch of primped up actors/actresses sporting creased khakis & perfectly pressed button-down shirts. They are totally beaming as they have remembered to hand-carry their passports & they look very proud of the TEN boxes total that are neatly packed up & ready to crate.

That's nice. But, totally unrealistic.

My moving day attire consists of mostly clean sweats, no make-up & dirty hair that should have had the color touched up yesterday. Did I shower? No, I did not. Because the movers came before I was ready (again) & I refuse to be naked (even in the shower in a locked bathroom) with 4 strange men in the Haus.

Man is more of a morning person than I & did manage to shower & put on real clothes. This is him totally smirking faking a smile as he just now starts pinging stops to think about what doesn't need to be packed today.

Laze-E is also clean & dressed. Yes, school actually happened today, although the buses were delayed by 2 hours. No, that isn't a string hanging from her head. For those of you who are uninitiated, it's the cord for her iPod.

MiniMe was also squeaky clean and couldn't wait to go to school. Christmas Break with nothing to do was not her friend. This is what the office looked like shortly before Dude Who Spoke Very Little English started packing at breakneck speed. We told him to leave the TV up until tomorrow.

But, that Little English part got in the way & the TV & DVD player got packed. And I had to physically wrestle him for the AFN satellite decoder that stays here. This way other people in Belgium can also enjoy AFN PCS make-believe crap in lieu of commercials.


Did we remember to hand-carry our passports? Yes, we did. This ain't our first rodeo, folks.

Are we jumping through hoops & PCStressing? Yes, we are.

Last week the Moving Office repeatedly told us that the moving company would only pack-out 4000 lbs a day. That's it.

So, I ran through the Haus, tagged about 1/3 of our stuff to be packed today & thought nothing of not having our suitcases ready to rock-n-roll.

But, at 0830 this morning, 4 very enthusiastic packers showed up raring to go. They were motivated, very nice & probably the best packers we've had. By 0850, my entryway looked like this:

Kitchen Packer Dude immediately got to work as I emptied out the cabinets for him. Gone were the visions I had of actually cooking dinner tonight. And, all I can say is that it's about damn time!

Yes, my friends, the Hamburger Helper got packed up and is ready for it's next adventure in Virginia. Move over, Flat Stanley, you've got nothing on my Betty Crocker.

We did manage to spare the living room so that we can watch TV tonight. Maybe we can catch that "How to Perfectly PCS" spot.

And laugh.

Our butts off.

I know you are wondering how I am dealing with all the PCStress. Not bad considering I never did make a run to Amsterdam the clinic to score some Xanax.

OK, so I finished off the Brandy. It's not like they were going to ship it for me anyway.

Waste not, stress not. That's been my motto for the day.

And just for the record, the Peach Vodka is better mixed with OJ than Coke Zero. Although, if you are a fan of Vodka, BeachMum (Hi, Laura) swears by Vanilla Vodka & Diet Coke. Just something to keep in mind when are failing miserably to have a Kodak Moment. But remember, be careful with the wheat bread whiskey. SubourbonHausFrau (Hi, Stacey) still serves as a glowing example of what not to do.

But, you know what has been the absolute best part of my day? I ventured down into the basement at lunchtime to be greeted by this:

Now that's what I'm talking about. One packer, three hours & wah-la! My PCStress level just went way down.

But . . .

Gosh, we did remember to grab the passports out of the safe . . .

Didn't we?

Happy Belated New Year

I've been mulling over how to begin the brand-spanking New Year on the blog & wanted to do something grand for the first day of January. I had lofty ambitions of making inspiring New Year's Resolutions & promising to blog something totally hysterical everyday.

However, in light of a big move hanging over my head, I decided to keep it real (publish when I'm properly inspired) & stick to the Bitch Blogging.

At least for the next few days until the boxes are crated & we are living in the hotel apartment.

This post should serve as the Great Equalizer & make you feel really good about how you spent the first day of 2009. If we accomplished nothing else, I'm sure we are making many of you feel glamorous by comparison.

Yesterday, while I was not blogging, MiniMe demanded that I drag out my camera & take this staged shot of her. She told me that what she was doing needed to go on my blog & don't worry, Mom, I'll even tell you what to say. Great idea! I've been so scatterbrained lately that someone coming up with blog ideas, complete with pictures & words, might help me keep things moving right along & my readers happy.

Stay tuned, folks, with that kind of enthusiasm, it won't be long until MiniMe will be taking BlogSpot by storm.

Yes, my friends, in the picture below she is drawing on packing paper - leftover from the last move that was, oh, not quite 12 months ago. And, she did manage to sorta kinda get dressed. Black velour skirt, pink PJ top & a tiara. That counts as dressed, right?

I spent an incredible amount of time in the kitchen trying to diminish the massive food supply around here. I made wheat bread, banana pancakes, apple oatmeal muffins & cherry-amaretto oatmeal cookies & used up the rest of the flour, brown sugar, oatmeal, cherries & made a decent dent in a mostly full jar of wheat germ.

See? I have no shame. I'm wearing no make-up, ratty clothes & this is my PCStressed smile. Not pretty, but it works well for the Bitch Blogging. And, don't you feel like a Movie Star by comparison?

You're very Welcome. That's what I'm here for.

Man spent the majority of his day on the couch recovering from a silly little cold the ManFlu. He's also taking the ratty clothes & no make-up thing quite seriously.


Last, but certainly not least, Laze-E is also going sans make-up, but she had the nerve to one-up me & is wearing her nicest pair of Consignment Shop jeans. I decided to let her have computer privileges back after 3 weeks of restriction.

Don't ask. You know she did something stupid, got caught and needed a time-out to think about the errors of her ways.

No, I can't remember exactly what she did, but I sure hope she learned her lesson.

Whatever it was.

Maybe, just maybe, she even made a lofty & inspiring New Year's Resolution promising to never do it again.