Public Service Announcement

As I sit here in the hotel apartment watching Dutch infomercials, I just realized that (sniff, sniff) my AFN info spot days are over. At least until our next Europe assignment.

For most of the last 8 years, I've watched American Forces Network info spots in lieu of bonafide commercials for products and services. While AFN spots can be very corny at best & downright eyerollers at worst, I still prefer them to plugs for new & improved toilet paper & yet another Valentine's Day sale on carpet.

And, thanks to years of Capital City Trivia & Famous Americans, I could probably kick-butt on Jeporady!

For my readers unfamiliar with AFN info spots, here's some of what you've been missing out on:

Break out the grill & have a weenie roast with your neighbors. Survivor style.

Can't change a diaper? Professional counseling is available.

Motorcycle safety: Dress for the crash.

PCS: make sure your TV is on the inventory sheet. Or you'll be watching a cardboard box at the next duty station.

Volunteer: Because you ain't getting a job here.

Portion Control & Eating Right. Kay at the Commissary really cares.

Ex-wife sold all your worldly possessions? Getting screwed with the wrong kind of Power of Attorney.

Don't panic. What to do when your AFN satellite konks out.

Telling her that her ass looks nice in BDU's IS sexual harassment. Don't.
And, trust me, it doesn't.

Chewing tobacco. Getting laid is easier without that baggage in your back pocket.

You can't un-ring a bell: Keeping your virginity. Starring 5 teen single moms.

Excessive drinking. Don't still be falling down drunk for morning PT.

Violence against women is wrong. As is beating the crap out of your husband for leaving the toilet seat up.

Scented Yankee candles have no place in a tent in Iraq.

Turn the TV down. You don't want to hear Big Bird. They don't want to hear Big Willy's Wild Ride.

As much as my life has been enhanced by the constant reminders & timely tips, I must say that I have a few more ideas that may help other American HausFrauen stationed all over Europe enjoy their current duty stations even more.

I present to you:

HausFrau's Helpful Hints for Overseas Living.
All info spots starring the Rockin'Bauers.

Properly washing thongs in an European washer.

Being fingerprinted at the MP Station. How to leave tampons out of the equation.

Road trips with carsick kids. Size of the barf bag does matter.

Paying with cash at a Belgian Aldi. Beware. All lines aren't the same.

Piss poor prior planning? Cake batter beater to the rescue.

Keep your Man looking spiffy at the office. How to tie a Double Windsor knot with only 2 hands and a leg.

Finding bargains at the Thrift Shop, starring MiniMe & Rosie.

Opening lids without the aid of Xanax.

How to go Momicidial on the side of the Autobahn without drawing attention of the Polizei.

Exchange rates for kids. Don't worry if the Tooth Fairy leaves foreign currency.

Hamburger Helper sale at the commissary. Resist.

Internet Porn: How to avoid that lane on the Information Autobahn.

PCS: Make sure everything is on the inventory list. It would be a shame if the Thrift Shop bargains didn't make it to the next duty station.

Organizing the basement so the movers don't have to.

Securing government furniture, namely the bed, with duct tape. Your downstairs neighbors will Danke Schön you.